Tic Toc

Chapter Fifteen

Lyndsey

I stood there on the porch alone. Zeke had left and I didn't know when or if he was ever coming back. I wasn't expecting him to tell me he loved me, the truth is I love him too I just didn't have a chance of saying it before it was too late. I didn't realize just how strict those consequences would be. 

When I walked in the house everything was quiet. Mother had gone down for bed and the lights were all off, I made sure the door was locked and went up to bed myself. 

I lay awake for hours on end replaying how my life had been since I started school. The things I've seen, the things I've learned, and most of all Zeke himself. I couldn't help but wonder if he had gotten any better so I got online and googled some stuff.

Signs of being suicidal or depressed

1. Dissinterest : Not being interested in things that normally interest them.

2. Fatigue : Waking up and still being tired or feeling like you could sleep all the time. 

3. Loss of appetite : Barely eating or never being hungry.

4. Donation of possessions : Giving away things that you wouldn't normally see yourself parting with.

5. Dissociation : Avoiding people and activities that you would normally engage in. 

Triggers

1. Bullying 

2. Abuse 

3. Lack of solid ground

4. Unreturned affection

....

That last thing made me stop and think.. What if I had done something very very wrong? I pulled out my phone and dialed Zeke's number and when he didn't answer I tried four more times. Visions of him hanging there from the ceiling clouded my vision and my heart pounded in my ears, I couldn't breathe but still after every voicemail pick up I continued dialing. Nothing would take away my Zeke. 

Finally on the fifth try he answered, "Lyndsey..."

"Zeke, oh my god, Zeke, you had me worried sick! Are you alright?" he was crying.

"L-Listen to me Lyndsey... I'm sorry.."

"Zeke what are you talking about why are you apologizing?"

"Lyndsey, I... I can't do this anymore..."

"Zeke! Zeke yes you can! Zeke please!"

"Lyndsey.. My life was over before it began this was guaranteed to happen... It's the only thing in life I have control over.."

I started crying.

"Lyndsey, please don't cry.." I could hear the cracks in his voice of each individual tear.

The visions of him hanging there got worse.

"Lyn, I... I have to go now. I... I love you.. Don't ever forget that... Remember me laughing when I was happy okay? Can you do that for me? And most importantly remember.. Through life or death I will always love you..."

And he hung up.