NKOTB-(One Shots/Imagines)

14.[Girl Crush part 2: Jordan]

                                                                                          T W O

                                                                                      ~Your POV~

I walked into the kitchen where Jordan had an ear to ear smile, his dimples on full display melting my heart as well as breaking it at the same time. I took a deep breath and put on the best fake smile I could ever have. Jordan's eyes immediately fixated on my own and he smiles, this time he was smiling at me. "Y/n get some pizza it's gonna get cold" Joey told me as he took another bite of his slice. She nodded and grabbed a napkin before opening the large box in the middle of the table and grabbed a small slice. Donnie was already on his 2nd slice as Jordan couldn't eat from smiling too much. " Jordan eat something before your cheeks start hurting" Danny teased earning a small death glare from him. I only ate my slice in silence as Jon also grabbed a piece and stood next to me. When I was done with my slice, I said that I needed to go. Jordan looked like he was a bit disappointed that I decided to leave so soon as I usually stayed until midnight or before that. But I couldn't be here with him, I don't know if I'm angry or if I'm sad, maybe I'm both. I didn't want to dim his celebration. "Leaving so soon?" Donnie asked me as I grabbed my bag. "Yes, I have to work on some stuff" I lied. "Thought you would stay here and celebrate Jordan's new love with us" Joey added earning a death glare from Jon. "No I really need to get home now, I'm sure you guys can keep the party alive" I respond and smile assuringly. "I can walk you out y/n," Jon told me and I nodded. Before I walked out of the room I took a last look at Jordan who seemed like he was a bit hurt by my early dismissal.

When I finally got home, I took a long hot shower trying not to have a mental breakdown. I didn't feel like I could cry, all I felt was numb. Knowing Jordan, I knew that he would introduce me to whichever the lucky girl was. I cringed a bit thinking about him kissing her, holding her, calling her sweet pet names, holding her hand etc. The thought of Jordan with somebody else brings me so much pain inside. I can't bear to see that. I don't want to see that but even worse I don't want to lose him as a friend. Even if he clearly doesn't feel the same way, I would still settle for his friendship because he means so much to me. I slipped on an oversized orange sweatshirt and light gray sweatpants once I finished, I didn't feel like eating again so I brushed my teeth as well. It was almost 10, but I was actually tired. Dimming the lights in my room, crawling into bed and drawing the covers over me, I lied there emotionless. All I could think about was him. His affectionate smile, soft sweet voice, adorable dimples and my favorite of all, his dreamy chocolate brown eyes. He's told me so much about her, I noticed the gleam in his eyes and the smile that formed whenever we talked about her. How I wish I could be the one taking her place in his heart.

~

The next few days I tried to avoid the guys as best as I could. I didn't want to speak to anybody, especially Jordan. I needed to come up with a plan to help me cope with this, If I wanted to keep Jordan in my life, I had to accept what makes him happy. After all, I did assure him that I would support him 100%, my heart is going to take a whole lot of aching but it would break altogether if he left my life. Jon knew that I was hurting and would sometimes call me to check up on me. He'd inform me that the guys often asked about me, wondering where I was but he'd make up excuses for me. I knew that sooner or later I was going to have to face them whether I liked it or not. I don't know how long Jordan will be with this girl but I do know that they'll be others in which I will have to hide my feelings until they eventually I mean hopefully fade away on their own.

A couple of days later, I had agreed to hang out with Jon and Joey. "Hey y/n we missed you" Joey told me as me he pulled me in for a hug and I slightly smiled while hugging back. "I missed you guys too" I responded. We were currently in a burger place just a couple of blocks from their studio, I had barely touched my food and I didn't even order a full meal, this did not go unnoticed. "Are you ok you haven't taken a bite of your food?"Joey asked me as he took a sip of his coke. "Yeah, I'm just not really hungry," I said as I grabbed my own and took a sip. I could feel Jon's staring at me as I said this. Suddenly, the door swung open and in walked Jordan with Danny. They didn't see us until Joey called them over, Danny waved as he stood in line with Jordan to order. I wanted to make up an excuse to leave before any of the two, especially Jordan, noticed me. Before I could make a dash for it, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. It was Jordan, he was looking down at me with a small smile on his face. "And where have you been this whole time" he teased as he took the seat beside me. "Busy" I respond and shrug. Once their order was ready, Danny went to claim it and brought it back to our table booth. I still haven't even touched my food, so I decided maybe if I ate it, it would give me an excuse to just leave. Joey was stunned when he noticed how fast I had eaten my food but Jon knew that I had found my way out. "Well guys this was fun but I actually have somewhere to be," I said as I gestured for Jon to move to that I could get out. "We just got here," Danny said. "Yeah, why don't you want to spend time with us?"Jordan added. I hesitated for a moment but then spoke again. "Joey invited me to Donnie's house later, I'll be there". They both seemed to like the idea and I left without looking back.