Imagines

I'm Sorry. -Chresanto A.

Jay's POV

   I was at home alone, feeling down and blue. I started realizing, I lied to everyone about the real me. I'm not that funny, weird, goofy girl. It was all just a cover up to make others happy, I began to cry silently into my pillow saying softly,".yrroS m'I" I heard noises outside of my window, kids laughing, people chasing each other. I was wishing that one of those people were me, I wish I could be happy for nothing, to have a very good life, living without fear and sadness. I went to my window and held onto the pillow tightly, peering around the curtian a little to spot the people. My neighbors family reunion, I saw white pearly smiles, running children, a cloud of smoke over the grill. I started to tear up again, thinking to myself,"I can't have kids. I don't have anyone to talk to. I lost my family. When am I just gonna see that one..... person. That one person that can j-just........ hold me. That one person that can ..........just be there when I need them." 

   Then my heart started racing and my blood started to boil, I was thinking about one thing,"My daily routine." In my daily routine, I'd sit in the bathtub, 6:00 in the morning. Just sitting there, thinking ,"Instead of suffering from blood wound or jumping at an instant death. I should just drown, in the tub where no one would find me."  I dropped the pillow in my hand and slowly walked towards my bathroom, feeling the tears in my eyes well up and drizzle down my face. When I reached the bathroom, I locked the door shut. Looking at the bathtub, in a gaze, I began to peel each piece of clothing off of my body. I turned on the water and filled the tub up to the top, slipping my foot in the water and allowing the water to ingulf my body. Holding my arms across my chest, sliding further into the water with my eyes shut tight and my mouth open. I began to scream loudly into the water and crying, I breath inward with my mouth open, suffercating on the water I stay there. In the water. Everything went black and I thought of the one person that did love me and disappeared in my life for periods of time. Exactly what he was doing now.......

Chresanto's POV

   I was just driving back from the airport, getting back from a business trip that was 6 months long. Over the time I was on the trip, I remembered that one person that made me feel like a stuffed animal. I found her phone number through one of her old Facebook accounts. Me being 30, and her being 29, I thought the smartest thing to do is to visit her. I was gripping the steering wheel of my Chevy Camaro tightly. A grin came across my face as I thought of her reaction to seeing me. All the memories of us as kids came back to my head, my hands began to loosen on the steering wheel. When I called her number, she didn't answer. Then I began to get frustrated, making me stop the car and search for her address. When I found it, I continued my journey. She was everything to me, from the time we met, to the time we disconnected I couldn't stop thinking about her beloved soul. Her beautiful smile. Her goofy laugh and her soft touch. She was one of those people that cared more about people then herself. When her family left her on her own she became depressed and stopped talking, stopped telling me how she felt. 

   When I pulled up to her house, I took a deep breath and spoke softly to myself,"You can do this. Just tell her how you feel."  Walking towards her door I knocked for awhile, no answer, I asumed she was at work or busy. I went to my car and pulled out of her driveway, looking at her house in amusement, when I noticed her curtains opened slightly. I spotted a light at the top floor. I pulled back into her driveway and banged on the door,"Jay!!! Jay!!!!! It's me!!!" No answer, thoughts started rushing into my mind, I moved the door knob anxiously,"Why is her door open? Jayyy!! Jayden!!! Fluffy!! Babygirl!!" I ran up the stairs into her room searching, I turned off the light that I earlier spotted, I heard small popping noises behind, what I asumed was the bathroom. I reached nervously for the door knob, pulling back touching my chin and pacing back and forth infront of the door,"What if she's naked? Come on man what if she's hurt or something? I'll just knock." I stood infront of the door , knocking,"Jayden? Are you in there?!" I continued to knock onto the door and question her, no answer. Again. I twisted the knob noticing it was locked,"Fuck! Jay baby are you okay?" No answer. I ran downstairs into the kitchen, scurrying through each drawer for a knife. when I found a butter knife I rushed to the bathroom door and spoke in a tender voice to her,"Jay, baby I'm coming inside so prepare yourself." Again no answer, I began to shed small tears as the terrible thoughts rushed through my head. 

   Popping the door open with the butter knife, I covered my eyes,"Jay sorry but I was worried. You didn't answer so I let myself in. Are you okay?" I waited for an answer again, recieving none. I peeped my hand open and seen her leg,"Jay, Are you okay?" I started to move towards the bathtub and touched Jay's leg, she was cold, too cold. Usually her skin is a warm kind of cold,"Jay?" I removed my hand and seen her floating in the water, I began to worry again, taking off my suit jacket and dress shirt, I grabbed Jay, not caring if she was naked. I touched her neck trying to recieve a pulse. No use. I began to tear up,"Jay? Jay, baby come on! Stop joking with me. Baby come on!" I felt my face become drenched in tears. I wiped her rose colored cheeks and kissed her pale, blue lips, wishing she would wake up. I laid her flat on the floor and began CPR, I did CPR until my arms got tired. She wouldn't wake up, not once. I began to cry heavily over her lifeless, cold body,"God please wake her up. Please she is everything to me. Pleeasseee!!! Why!!" I grabbed her small, soft hand and laid beside her. I kept looking over at her pale body, the more she laid there the more she became pale. 

   I went into her room and grabbed a blanket from her closet, She may just be cold. I laid the blanket on her body, picking her up, holding her in my lap. I called the police and told them everything I knew. As I waited for them to get here, I laid her body on the bed with her arms across her chest. I kissed her lips one last time, rubbing her hair softly,"They'll be here soon, I love you baby." I walked towards the bathroom, slightly tripping over a pillow. I picked the pillow up and sniffed the last wiph of her scent. Wrapping my arms around the pillow, I felt something on the back. When I flipped the pillow over, I seen a index card taped to the back. It read,"Who ever's reading this. I'm Sorry. I had to go somewhere. A place I felt welcomed. Most likely the person reading this, is a family member or Chresanto. I love you and thank you." 

Author's POV

   Her last words were "I'm Sorry."