Bubblegum Bitch

And The Walls Kept Crumbling Down

      Phil

     After I got back I developed a weird habit, and I mean I feel like it is understandable but still, it's kinda weird. Every morning I make sure Dan is still here. Some mornings he is curled up and fast asleep beside me. Other times he is in the kitchen making breakfast or something. That is when I slightly panic, afraid he will leave me. Which I know is kinda stupid considering this is his apartment, so why would he up and leave? Yet the fear is still there, that one day he will leave for a better guy.

For example, this is one of the mornings where Dan is still curled up, fast asleep in my arms. His soft curls slightly tickling my neck, but I don't mind. I would much prefer him being here. His usual soft snores, and rhythmic breathing enough to keep me calm. I still don't understand how I ever got this lucky. I mean Dan is way out of my league, and not to forget that he is a pastel. Typically people like that run from me in fear, just because of the way I dress. Yet he never did, he was never intimidated, although I figure he has met scarier people.

People assume I treat him badly sometimes, just because he looks so innocent and short, then you have me the punk. I have tattoos and piercings, I also wear all black. While Dan typically wears pink or light blue, with the occasional flower crown. People seriously make the wrong assumptions, and sometimes it does get to me, but usually it doesn't. At the end of the day it doesn't matter, because I loved and continue to love the younger man sleeping in my arms.

It makes me want to cry, if you want me to be honest. The fact that under 4 months ago I thought suicide was my only option out of the hell I was living in. Truly it wasn't, I had many other ways, but I just could not see my way out of it, I was held captive by my own feelings and emotions to the point I didn't even notice anything else. Now today is one year of us being together or hey maybe two months whichever Dan prefers. My thoughts are interrupted by Dan stirring, and looking up at me with big brown eyes.

"Good morning." He mumbles, voice hoarse from sleep.

      "Good morning." I smile, kissing him on the cheek softly.

     "What do you want for breakfast?" He groans while rolling out of bed.

     "Anything really." I crawl out of bed, as the cold air hits me.

"Alright I'll get cereal." Dan calls out while walking out of the room.

I make my way to the kitchen, seeing a shirtless Dan grabbing bowls from the cabinet. His eyes filled with grogginess, as he smiles at me. It's then I notice his portions, his minuscule amount of his favorite cereal. Something in me stops myself from saying something though, just letting him go with it. When he gets depressed he doesn't eat as much, so I figure he's just a bit depressed.

"Here's your cereal. You know the drill." He laughs quietly, as I grab my cereal and sit on the couch.

    He comes by moments later, sitting next to me on the couch. Roughly 20 minutes later we both finish our food, Dan puts the bowls back, while I sit being a lazy ass boyfriend. I look up to see him walking back, and grabbing the remote. As he plops beside me, I yawn as he nuzzles his small body into my arms.

"I have work tonight." He frowns, as I run small circles across his back.

     "If you dislike it then maybe you should get a different job?" I suggest.

    "I make about 1,000 a week working as a stripper. Two days a week and I walk away with 1,000 I'm not quitting." He laughs softly.

    "Fair enough." I sigh, as he turns on the TV.

He turns it to the news, which I hate really. Just more depressing bullshit, and other people telling us about how our world is slowly being killed. Moving on from that depressing topic, I notice how Dan begins to fall asleep in my arms again. How much sleep has he gotten? The dark circles under his eyes beginning to show up again, which are making me extremely concerned. I know he doesn't sleep much but it's more concerning now. I'm seriously worried about his mental state he barely eats, sleeps, or does you know basic human things.

   "Phillll." He whines loudly, sitting up.

"Yes?" I ask, trying to contain laughter, he's cute when he gets whiny it means he's tired.

"I love you." Dan smiles, a slight dimple on his pale cheek.

"I love you too." I mumble, running my fingers through his soft brown curls.

"Today is technically are 2 month anniversary or our one year, which should it be?" He asks me.

"I would prefer one year and dammit Dan I was hoping you'd forget so I could take you to dinner and surprise you." I laugh, as he looks up at me in shock.

     "We're going to dinner, where are we going, and when are we going?"

   "Probably to Duke's let us say 5pm so we can spend at least an hour there, go for a nice walk. Then we can get back here, spend some time together, and you can go to work." I explain to the younger boy.

   He smiles at me as he gets up, except I notice something different. His usual light from his brown eyes has faded, and he looks worn out, like beyond worn out. Except I watch in horror, as his legs give out, and he collapses to the floor with a sharp thud.