you, me and music (the only escape)

chapter 5

That was the night I started writing songs again. I used to write non stop when I was younger, until I stopped doing it last year. I got teased because of it, so I thought if I just stopped doing it, the teasing would stop too. Guess what, it didn't. But writing down your feelings can be really good sometimes, and I had a lot of feelings that day. It felt so good to write down the words that I was too afraid to say in real life.

It really sucks to be afraid, you know.

I just had all these thoughts in my head, all these words that I was too afraid to say and my mind got so full of it. Too full. So when I started writing, it was like my mind was exploding like a vulcano that had been shut for too long. The words flew out from my hand onto the paper faster than they ever did before. On that moment I started wondering why I ever stopped writing.

A few hours later I finished one of the many songs I wrote that night and when my fingers hurt too much from playing the guitar for hours and hours I went to bed.

I was thinking about a person. There must've been a person somewhere in the world that felt the exact same way as I did. There were songs written about how I felt, so I couldn't be the only one. I can't describe my feeling, it's just a strong and deep feeling, and I wish it would go away.

But as the genius John Green taught us, "the world is not a wish-granting factory".

So I guess I'll just have to keep feeling things I can't describe and writing thoughts down that I'm too afraid to say, until I get out of this place

...

The week after that night was just a normal boring week of me going to school. Nothing really happened, I still had zero friends.

On a rainy thursday I decided to wear my Arctic Monkeys t-shirt that I bought when I saw them live. Best concert ever, no kidding. That t-shirt just made me so happy and I hadn't worn it in such a long time.

In chemistry class we had to work in pairs that day. The teacher said we could choose our partners ourselves and that we had to work on a project together for the next few weeks.

Let me tell you something, me and partners is not a very good combination.

So while everyone started cheering around together with their best friends because they had another excuse to hang out even more after school, I just sat there, not really knowing what to do.

I looked around and saw this boy sitting alone, just like me. He wasn't specifically good looking or something, but he wasn't ugly at all.

He had hazel brown hair, up in a quiff and hazel brown eyes. His skin was the perfect tone light brown in contrast with his hair. He was wearing a loose grey shirt, a pair of black skinny ripped jeans and black converse.

We were the only ones left sitting alone, so I know that we would have to be partners. But guess what, again I was too afraid to go over to him and talk.

So I just sat there, awkwardly looking back and forth between him, the teacher and my textbook.

"Okay, if everyone found their partners, you can all start your project. All the information about it will be on the sheet of paper that I'll hand out in a minute", the teacher said as he looked around. His eyes stopped looking when he saw two people still sitting on seperate places

"Amanda and Alex, you're both left without partner, so I assume that you don't mind working together?"

He started handing out the sheets of paper.

And that's when we had eye contact for the first time.

I broke the eye contact by grabbing my stuff and I awkwardly walked over to sit down next to him.

"Hi, I'm Amanda", I said with a little smile on my face as I looked down.

"I'm alex", a friendly smile appeared on his face.

"I love your t-shirt"

"Thanks, do you like Arctic Monkeys?"

"Are you kidding me, their music is brilliant!", Alex said in a slightly dramatic way where he emphasized the 'brilliant'.

"I know right, I love them so, so much", I started becoming more enthousiastic.

The teacher walked past us to hand out the information papers saying,

"I'm glad that you already created this something that looks like a friendship, but we're still here for the project, am I right?" He smiled and walked away.

So we just started the project, still talking about Arctic Monkeys.