The Love Within

eighth grade

"There is a boy-shaped hole in my heart only he can fill"

I told Jessabelle, thinking of you. I had been getting over a boy I had really liked, and I was wondering why I didn't feel as sad as I felt when I was getting over you. Then I thought, maybe it's because I hadn't gotten over you.

I'd been trying to fill a bottomless pit with a beach bucket. Trying to put a circle-shaped block in a rectangular hole.

I had asked her why I didn't feel as sad as I felt before, and she said she didn't know. Then I thought, maybe it's because I didn't love that guy or the guy before. At least, not like how I loved you.

I almost broke my parents' rule about not dating for him, why wasn't I in love? If I was willing to go to that length, why didn't I feel the way I felt with you?

I know it's not good to be comparing my relationships, because they were all different, with all different people. Different lives. Different loves.

But I had to.

"So why didn't I feel that way?" I had asked her again.

Maybe it's because

I was still feeling that way

About you.