What If?

Chapter One

I remember the day it happened, though who wouldn't? Who would forget the day their life got turned upside down? Not me, though sometimes I feel that I may remember it too well. 

That day is clearly embedded in my mind, like a tattoo in my memories. It's there when I sleep and when I'm awake. I don't know where I'd be without it, but I'd like to figure it out... someday.

I have dreams about that day, though they're more kin to nightmares that attack me when I'm in my most vulnerable state. The day my mother died was the worst day of my life and the last day of a normal one. 

I now live with my aunt, uncle, and cousin in their penthouse that overlooks the Hudson River and Manhattan. I want to escape the city more than anything because I deal with social anxiety, well also anxiety in general, but social anxiety is a heavy burden to bear while your whole life is in such a busy city. I hate the hustle and bustle of New York, though my family adores it.

I can't complain all that much, I have a good life here. A privileged youth as some people call me, but I cannot seem to enjoy any of it. 

Though we live in New Jersy, our lives are on the other side of the river in the city.

Today is Wednesday and all of my family is gone, Uncle Mark is a pediatrician, Aunt Mary is at the New York Times, she has her own cosmetic line, and is getting interviewed today, and as for my cousin, Eva, she went out with friends last night and I haven't seen her since. Even our maid, Fiona is gone, her daughter is sick with the flu.

Me? I work from home, as an Apple customer service representative. I like my job, it gives me time alone, even though I'm talking to people about their problems. In a way, it distracts me from my own.

I get out of my bed and head over to my balcony, to see how it feels outside. It's slightly chilly with a breeze so I put a hoodie on over my tank top and tall wool socks that almost reach my knees, leaving only a small area of skin exposed between them and my pajama shorts.

Once I brush my teeth, wash my face, and put on my round black glasses and my brown hair in a bun, I grab my laptop, headset, and cell phone and head out of my room.

I make a quick stop in the kitchen to make some coffee, then go up the two flights of floating stairs to the rooftop.

When you reach the top of the stairs, you seem to be enclosed in a clear box until you open the glass door, which can be tricky to spot, and I've been stuck at the top of the stairs way too many times.

Once I exit the stairs, I plop down in the middle of our sectional couch and set up my work equipment. I have a half hour before I start work, so I watch the sun rise over the skyline while sipping my coffee. It's moments like these that remind me of how lucky I am. I do live in this wonderful penthouse, with an incredible view of Manhattan, and anything I want on my command. 

It's easy to get caught up in the bad when I'm alone in my bedroom all day, reminiscing about past experiences.