What Kills You (Percico)

Chapter One

Nico

Whoever said feeling like this was normal, fuck you.

I don't want... I just... I think my arms might be bleeding but I don't really know and I guess I don't care. It didn't matter.

He's gone. He's dead. And I can't even summon him because fucking Will and he freaked out and...

I never got to tell him. Never got to hug him. Never got to kiss him. Never got to tell him how much he meant to me.

And unless I kill myself and end up at the same place he's at, I'll never get to.

But if I kill myself, what happens?

I mean he... Fucking selfish. He spent his whole fucking life worrying about everyone else until he died. And then he didn't care and...

Now I'm in at 3 AM, debating whether or not I should kill myself right now.

Trying to write something so they don't... So they know. My hand was shaking and I couldn't... Couldn't write and even I tried and... It just sounded dumb. After like four attempts I threw my pen down and slammed my desk before realizing I should be quiet. Frank and Hazel are still here.

If it wasn't for Frank, Hazel, I wouldn't do this. Maybe. I don't know. If Hazel was alone, maybe it'd be different.

But maybe doesn't mean shit.

He wouldn't want this.

The thought invaded my head like the Romans did a few weeks ago. It's not... This is fucking fair. I shouldn't have to feel like this. Just because I didn't... He had a girlfriend. What was I supposed to do?

I could've...

I was an asshole. I am an asshole.

It's my fault, right? That he did it? Because he thought that I didn't... It was my fault. He died because of me.

At least this day my death is in my hands and not some sick fucker.

Sitting down, leaning against the wall, I grabbed the orange bottles. They were old. Antidepressants from... When Bianca... That. There was 9 left. Just enough.

Nobody gives a shit.

I struggled to open it, shaking the entire time. My arms were still bleeding. It wasn't that bad.

I'm fine.

Downing the pills in one go, small sobs started to form and I covered my mouth with my pillow.

I couldn't... Can't fucking... And he's... He's gone. I can't bring...

I never got to tell him when he was alive. So I'll do it when we're both dead. When... When...

My vision started to blur. Whether that was from the tears or the pills, I didn't really care. I wanted this to be over.

He just... Want... I just want him here so he can... So I can tell... That I love...

Trying to maybe speed this thing up, I grabbed the knife I stole from the dining hall tonight and I... Cut my... Arms and my uh.. stomach? It felt like my stomach.

Before i got much further, my mind fogged up and that was all I remembered. Excruciating pain. Emotionally, not so much physically.

That was it.

Leo

Breakfast seemed kind of quiet, or like emptier and it took me a while to figure out why.

Nico wasn't there. Like, it's weird, without Percy. Annabeth went back home. She's taking it hard. We all kind of are. But she was his girlfriend and he... I mean, he killed himself. Here. At camp.