Strain

Four

July 24

I think I laid in bed in somewhat of a daze all night. The entire time, my bodied been shivering even under the covers. The thought that Andy, Brian’s brother, had lied right beside me, on top of me, inside of me, the night before makes me want to burn it.

This morning, I woke with less of a headache. And thankfully, I woke with a house empty of Andy. Although when I exited my room, I found my eyes searching for his distinct body laden with my couch.

He wasn’t there. My muscles seeped down and I felt relaxed. At ease. Then there was a knock at my door and every bone flopped over. So here I am, staring at my door, deciding whether or not I should open it.

“NOAH!” Kate.

When I open it, I find her hair in a mess. I find her eyes a little tired and her breath a little rancid. “Noah.” She says and scans my body. “O.” Her hair straightens. “M.” Her eyes brighten. “G.” Her breath freshens. “You didn’t!” Didn’t what? “Who was it?” Who was what? “What’s his name?” Andy. WHAT! ANDY!

O. M. G. I did. It was Brian’s brother. His name is Andy. Andy Theron. How had she known about this someone? Where was she getting this information? She pushes me back through my door and slams it. Her eyes gone hostage and volatile. “Noah,” she says with sinister intentions. “Who was it?”

“What are you talking about?”

Her eyes are evil again. Her hair coiling like tentacles. Her breath a new weapon. “There’s some… stuff—on your neck.”

I lift my hand to my neck, I feel around and stop. When I feel a dry patch. I scrape my nails over it and it dusts apart. Andy. A pasty white patch. On my neck. From Andy.

I catch Kate’s eyes again. This time I am crazed. “Andy,” has single handedly ruined my life.

Her face contorts. It bends to the ring of the bell. It melts and she smiles. She fucking smiles like there is no fucking tomorrow. “NOAH! YES!” Kate, no. No. NO. NOOOOOO! “So, that’s where he was. How was he—like was he big?” Bitch, no.  

“I don’t remember.” Irritated.

“Well,” she says skeptically. “We shall discuss that later. But right now, I need some doggy hair.” Hair of the dog.

“Wait,” why is she here? “Why are you here?”

“Are friends not allowed to visit friends?”

“They are,” especially Kate. “But they don’t usually look like a trash bin.”

“Thanks,” she scowls. “Anyways, Bry, left his shoes here yesterday. And I am here to retrieve them, and here to invade on your privacy and to take advantage of your abundant coffee supply.”

“Thanks,” I scowl.

I lead her to the kitchen and pour her a cup of coffee. She is giddy and on her toes, still entertaining the thought of me and Andy. Why isn’t she mad about it?

“Come on!” Come on what? “Was he any good?” I told you, I don’t remember. “Lies.” No, I was drunk as fuck. “And getting fucked.” Shut up. “By Andy.” Shut up. “I bet he has a big dick. He does, doesn’t he?” I don’t know. “He does. Brian is big.” Oh my God. “OH! COME ON! You have to give me some details.” No, I don’t. I can’t even talk to Brian or Andy anymore without feeling my stomach rot with shame. “Noah.” What? “Brian was setting you guys up.” What? “He thinks you guys would be really cute together.” No.

No. NO.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” More of a statement than a question. She shakes her head.

“No,” she smiles. “Oh, get over yourself. Andy is one of the sweetest guys I know. Just give him a chance.”

“I slept with him, Kate. The first day I met him.”

“Well, that must mean you like him,” her lips flick up. “Your good half is trying to tell you that Andy is a good choice.” She plays. She jokes. And I find it completely un-humorous.

“No one is a good choice, Kate. I shouldn’t even be around you and Brian because you guys are somehow going to get hurt. One day you or Brian will walk into my house, vice versa and I will be a complete lunatic. Psychotic.”

“What’s that tattoo on your chest, again?” she says. “The lion one.” Backfire. “What does it mean again?” She asks knowing full well what it means. I turn away, she doesn’t stop. “It’s a ‘thank you’ to all the people who love you. Who can love a lion, knowing full well what it is capable of.” I know. “Brian and I,” her composure no longer a trash bin. “Love you. Very much. Love is a risk, Noah.” I know. “And we are willing to take that risk.”

To love me.

I whip around. “I know Kate. I know. Okay? But I don’t want hurt—” I shout at her, but she isn’t there. She never was. Just a hallucination. A dream. A development of a psychotic mind. My madness taking hold.

The insanity that would destroy Kate, Brian, and anyone else who would get close to me.

I am a lion, and it's hard to love a lion when they are always ripping your chest open and stringing your heart out.

Just another reason to run away from them. To shame away.

(I think some stories start out slow, this one did, but it will launch quite quickly into the world where I destroy everything. Everyone. Even Andy.)