The Side-Effects of Happiness

Chapter Nine

SHILOH

Nolan looks up at Leonardo incredulously, his eyes flickering to me as if I would give him the answer to a question that he couldn't even come up with. I give him a meek smile, trying to explain that this was not my idea whatsoever by just looking at him.
Leo throws his arm around my shoulder, squeezing my neck in the most obnoxious 'bro' kind of way. "You've got yourself a handsome boyfriend, aye?"He jabs me in the ribs and Nolan whips his head up in utter shock.
I choke on my own saliva and sputter out a sound that resembled no human noise. "No!" I croak. "I mean, Nolan's handsome but-... He-... Nolan's straight, he-he...  He's not my boyfriend!" It takes far too long to stammer out that stupidly easy answer.
Leo quirks a brow at me letting out a 'hmm... I see' that makes me want to deck him. I turn towards Nolan and give him a sorry look.
"It's nice to meet you." Nolan finally speaks up shyly.
I speak up before Leo can utter another stupid word. "Listen, Lee... Nolan and I were just about to head out for a bit, so, if it's cool for you to be here alone for a while...?" I ask and Leo frowns at me.
"You haven't seen me in months." He retorts bitterly.
"Nolan and I are going out for a bit before I bring him home." I reply, not caring about his argument and he scowls at me.
"Fine. Y'all don't even have power for me to watch T.V. on." He continues frowning at me. Nolan then slowly stands and awkwardly waits to follow me.
"Power will be back on soon, I think." I pat his hair as he throws himself onto my bed.
"Don't leave me here alone for hours."
"I know, you'll burn the place down. I won't be gone all night, I promise," I swear to him and make my way to the door. "Bye, Lee!"
"Bye, Lev!" He calls me by my nickname as I leave and Nolan basically clings to me. His close proximity is just about giving me a heart attack.
The two of us get into the car and Nolan lets out a heavy breath. "He makes me nervous." Nolan admits.
"It's okay, he's much nicer than this usually. You just didn't get a good introduction. I'm really sorry." I simper.
"It's fine," He chuckles. "Let's just go somewhere nice."
|||
I'm not surprised that we ended up at the bridge. It's this little spot in the woods with a little bridge that lays over a stream of water. The stream leads to Desoto Falls.
"We should explore a little." Nolan suggests.
I glance his way and there's this look of wonder on his face, like a kid meeting their idol. He looks natural out here, like it's meant to be. He's a nature kind of guy.
It was a beautiful day out as well, the sun had come out while we were driving and the downpour that had been roaring since last night was gone. It was like magic. I still hadn't ruled out the possibility of it being Nolan's smile that had caused the sun to split the clouds.
The leaves are changing color and the way the light is peering through them makes Nolan glow and it changes the color of the earth around us. Fall was a wonderful season, it made everything come to life.
"Come with me." I say, reaching for Nolan's wrist and he takes my hand in his instead.
My heart skips a beat and I swallow harder than ever and look up at him. His face is slightly red and he gives me a stupid smile. I blush and smile to myself before pulling him along as I jump down from the bridge.
"Ooh, you're either bringing me somewhere amazing or you're going to kill me." He jokes, not releasing my hand, even as he begins walking beside me.
He's straight.
Do not kiss him.
He is straight.
My brain-troll has finally regained its dominance and is taking control of my actions again.
"I come up here a lot, usually after I fight with my dad or have to talk to my mom," I say softly. "It makes me feel better."
"I can tell why... It's beautiful out here..." He coos as he looks about. I can't take my eyes off of him.
This is the moment that I realize that I'm royally fucked. I've fallen for him and, no, I will not say I've fallen in love with him since we have just officially became friends like four days ago now but, deep down, I know that I am falling in love with him. Right now, I just like him more than I wished I did.
You know when you look at a friend or just somebody you have feelings for and your heart stammers and you get this tight feeling in your chest that resembles a sinkhole, you know that you're screwed and I now know that feeling more than usual. I know what this is and everything that's about to happen to me.
This will end in tears.
I know I will end up broken-hearted and alone because we've already gotten incredibly close and if I say that I have feelings for him, a straight guy, he'll leave me. The longer it takes for me to fuck up and confess my feelings somehow, the more attached I'll get and the more it'll hurt when I inevitably ruin what we've created.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" He bobs his head merrily as he turns that wonderfilled look onto me.
"Uh-..." I choke. "Thinking about us and our friendship." I shrug, attempting not to look like a deer in headlights.
"Ooh, what about it?" He smiles wide like a child, turning to face the ground, kicking a stone and watching it bounce a foot or so away. His curls bounce into his face and he huffs, pulling a bandana out of his pocket.
"First, where the hell did that come from?" I point at it as he drops my hand to put it on.
"I carry them around with me, they're for moments like this." He beams.
"I think I'll stick with magic." I joke and he jabs me in the ribs softly.
"Whatever makes you happy, smartass. Now, back to my question from before." He says.
"Oh, yeah... I was just thinking about like, how close we've gotten in only a matter of-"
My voice abruptly stops as he slides his hand into mine again, lacing our fingers, casually as if it were nothing and as if I weren't gay and as if it didn't matter that I had undeniable feelings for him.
I'm so distracted and distraught that My knees give way, tripping over nothing. "Whoa! Steady there." He chuckles, catching me gracefully.
"I tripped on myself." I snort and watch his face light up. It makes me so happy seeing that somebody appreciates my laugh.
"I could tell." He chuckles. "Continue speaking now, please."
I sigh at him. "I was thinking about how close we've gotten in such a short time and like, how much I've let my guard down for you."
"Awe, Shi! How romantic!" He jokes and nudges my side. "But it was sweet, thank you. I definitely have gotten closer to you than I've ever gotten to anybody else."
I blush and his eyes flicker across my face then, he tousles his hair, looking at me as if I were more lovely than the beauty around us. I know I was seeing things because of how badly I wanted him to look at me that way.
"Come to California with me for Christmas break." I blurt and he seems taken aback, looking at me with his lips parted slightly in the most beautiful way.
"You-... What?"
"Shit... I've been wanting to ask you, since we've become fast friends, if you wanted to come to my brother's beach house for Christmas break with me. I'm going up there mostly to meet my best friend," I sigh and he smiles at me. "I know we've been friends for like, not even a week, but I like being around you."
"Meet your best friend?" He asks.
"Yeah, his name is Ronan Montgomery and he lives in California. I met him on Tumblr, three years ago as of this December and my plan is to surprise him." I chuckle lamely.
"Wouldn't I be crashing your time meeting him?" He worries.
"I think you would enhance it. I've already told him a lot about you and he seems to like you from what I've said about you," I hum. "I really hope that's not weird." I add, noticing the reddening of his cheeks.
"No, no, it's flattering." He runs his tongue over his lips.
"If you want to, you can come." I say softly and peer up at him to catch his reaction.
Nolan beams and the sun behind him makes him glow like a god. It's amazing the way that light and perspective can make something look. I feel his hand squeeze mine and it felt intentional so, I squeeze back.
I notice his smile get bigger (if that's even possible) and he looks down at me. "I'd love to come."
"What!?" I whip my head up to look at him. "Really!?"
"Yeah! It sounds fun and my aunt usually leaves for the holidays. I prefer to not go with her because I don't want to see my family." He chuckles awkwardly.
"I totally understand that. My dad is planning to go to my mom's for Christmas." I roll my eyes bitterly and he laughs.
"That sounds like a disaster. Our Christmas together will definitely be better." He grins.
"I agree." The soft, happy smile on my face clings there. I don't think I've been this content in my life.
I watch him kick stones and look about with wonder. If I didn't know any better, I'd believe that he'd never seen outside before.
I lean down and pick up a stone from the ground, it was something like a reminder of this moment, these two wonderful days. It was my way of holding onto something that wasn't real. It gave me some kind of hope.
It doesn't take long for us to make it up to where the waterfall was. I've never seen somebody more excited in my life.
"We should climb it!" He bounces excitedly, pulling at my arm. "We could totally climb up there!" He points towards the side of the falls, it looked almost like very poorly made stairs.
"I-... Do you think that's a good idea?" I ask and his eyes flicker to our linked hands.
"Nothings a good idea in a hell hole like Blue Ridge." He drops our hands and I suddenly feel like somethings missing.
I notice Nolan freeze for just a half a second, almost like his brain paused as he glanced down at his empty hand before he runs off ahead of me.
I watch him and let my eyes run over his body as he jogs to the rocks. I've seen him a million and one times like this from all of the football matches I've been to. Somehow, this time, he manages to look even better than usual. His backside in those incredibly tight jeans drives me wild. I also found it a little hot that my pants were too short in the legs on him and his ankles stuck out.
Surprisingly, Nolan was nearly hairless. He had patchy pieces of hair on his legs and he couldn't grow a beard to save his life.
He was quite adorable.
Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to shave more than once a week to look all fresh and clean, like him.
"Are you coming!?" He calls to me, glancing over his shoulder at me.
"Yes!" I call, snapping out of my daze and running after him lamely. Maybe Nolan could get me into exercise.
Doubtful, but, a possibility.
He effortlessly pulls himself up onto the first ledge and then offers me a hand up. I could tell that both of us knew that I couldn't get up there myself.
I laugh as he helps me up. He doesn't struggle as much as I had anticipated him to.
"You're light." He comments sweetly.
"You are such a liar."
"I'm truly being honest." He says, grabbing my hand in his again and pulling me along with him. I don't know how much more touching my heart can take.
I take cautious steps and Nolan recklessly charges forward. He nearly falls at least three times and nearly gives me a heart attack each and every time.
"You're reckless." I say, pulling at his arm to slow his pace.
"I'm reckless because if I die now, I'll die happy." I think he's joking but, with that smile, I'm not so sure.
"Shut up. I'll have to witness your death so, no dying." I roll my eyes playfully.
Then, we reach the top and I swear that this place is perfect. Nolan just fits and the moment is like no other. If I didn't know that he was straight, I would have kissed him on the spot.
"This is so beautiful..." He gawks.
"I-... I know." I whisper back.
I drop his hand and he gives me a confused look for a second as I wander a few feet away. I couldn't help myself from picking a rose from the bush nearby. I use my nails to break off the thorns after snapping the stem.
I spin and face Nolan again and he gives me a tipped-head glance that begs the question 'what the hell are you doing?' and it makes me laugh.
I jog back to him and place it behind his ear gently. "A rose for Rose." I grin and he groans, laughing at the same time.
"Oh shut up!" He exclaims, pulling out his phone to look at himself.
"You look great, don't worry." I assure and he grabs me by the shirt, yanking me to his side.
"Take a picture with me." He insists and I start to smile without thinking, just utterly happy as I look up at his wonderful face.
He captures the moment that I realized my heart was doomed to crash and burn.