Bitter Sweet

Chapter Three ~ Jet Ride

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”  ― Santosh Kalwar

Spencer kept his head down as the jet departed, he curled himself up in the corner of the couch continuously reading over the files. The effects of the withdraw still lingering over him; though his nausea was at a low, there was still a sharp pain behind his eyes. Along with the underlining of tension that wasn’t very hard to miss, the small glances his teammates made at him didn’t help either. He kept to himself as he listened to everyone start to discuss the case as he nibbled on a pretzel.

“So we know our guy is an opportunist, but again, why hold onto these kids for more than a month only to kill them?” Morgan asked, frustrated tossing his file onto the table.

“He gets his pleasure from the kill itself,” Gideon stated in a low voice not looking at the team.

“Those killings usually mean that our unsub is reliving a fantasy of revenge.” Aaron chimed, his voice sounding focused,

Spencer couldn’t help himself but to speak up as he started to ramble off facts,“ Bundy killed women who look like an ex-girlfriend that jilted him, and Dahmer claimed that schoolyard harassment fed his rage.”  He felt a jolt of relief as everyone listened contently, finally, they saw him as himself not broken down version of him.

Like I said act like yourself.

“But then the victims would have to look similar to each other, but Julie is African American, and Frankie is Caucasian.” Prentiss pointed out, scratching off that theory.

“What if he’s a pedophile,” Reid suggested, “and knows he’s sick so he just holds onto them and doesn’t touch them until he finds a new child,” he watched as everyone sat quietly for a moment wrapping their heads around the dark theory. He furrowed his eyebrows as he saw JJ get up, and quickly leave for the bathroom before his attention was brought to Hotch's,

“That could explain the age demographic, and the lack of sexual motivation,” He commented, “We’ll have Garcia pull up every registered sex offender in the area,” He ended sighing, Reid had an underlying feeling that was aimed at him.

“Are you feeling better, Reid? You didn’t look very good when we got on the plane,” Prentiss asked, he felt himself become slightly annoyed, it felt like all day he’s been getting asked the same question over and over again. He stayed quiet, debating whether or not he wanted to answer.

She doesn’t have to know anything, you don’t know her

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He replied in a dull voice, looking back down at his file. The rest of the team looked around each other unconvinced at Spencer's answer. Prentiss nodded, slowly before looking back down at her file. Hotch looked at Gideon and shook his head disappointed.

Thankfully JJ walked back before it could go any further.

“Bad news guys,” She began making everyone turn their attention to the blonde, who had a dark look on her face, “Another child was just abducted, twelve-year-old, Nicholas.” A wave of defeat washed over them. Reid heard Morgan string out curses words as he slammed his hands on the table, and his stomach churns again.

“If the unsub already has a second victim, that means Frankie doesn’t have a lot of time left.” Prentiss expressed, worried.

“Which means we have to work twice as fast,” Gideon began, “once we land Hotch and I will go to last crime scene, Morgan and Prentiss will go down to the last victim's house, Reid and Jennifer, you'll head down to the station and set up.” Spencer looked up to Gideon frowning at his orders. After spending two weeks locked in his apartment, he couldn't handle the idea of being in a small police station for God knows how long.

“Something wrong Spencer?” It was Gideon, obviously noticing his disapproval. The rest of the team turned their heads to the two of them, and Reid couldn't stop himself from speaking his mind.

“Why do you want me at the station? I was cleared for field work,” he asked trying to sound as casual as he could. Spencer watched as Gideon adjusted his reading glasses before finally turning to him.

“I know, but I want you at the station,” He replied simply, before turning back to his file. Spencer Couldn't help but become irritated at the answer. The rest of the team watched confused as he let out a sharp breath, he knew of all people, Gideon was not the one to get irritated at.

“Sir I don't mind going onto the field.” He responded, trying to keep his voice level. Gideon sighed taking off his glasses looking at Reid.

“Spencer I want you at the station because Jennifer is still new to profiling, and someone needs to show her how to start an investigation. I just thought that the doctor with three PhDs might be the most help.” Reid felt his cheeks redden embarrassed, and the tension on the plane becomes a mild thicker.

“It’ll be fine Spence, we can drink crappy office coffee, and you can show me how to use the grid map,” Jennifer said, with a small laugh, trying to defuse the awkward situation. Spencer gave her a weak nod, as he continues to nibble on the same pretzel, but quickly losing his appetite.

“It’s better to have you at the station Reid,” Hotch spoke up, “you didn't look very well when we took off, it's better for you to stay at the station as a just in case.” Reid bit his tongue, knowing that this wasn’t the time. He felt himself become more and more annoyed at his team; the consent questioning, holding him back at the station, the side looks, he just needed silence.  

Nobody would notice if you disappeared for a bit…

Spencer rolled up his bag of pretzels and slid them into his satchel, he tried to look as calm as he could as he switches the food for two small vials and a needle and closed his hand around them. He gently slid his hand out and straight into his coat pocket before standing up.

“Reid where are you going?” Hotch asked, in casual, but stern voice. Spencer couldn’t help but stutter a little bit.

“T-the bathroom,”

“Why don’t you sit down for a second,” again, that was a demand, not a suggestion, “we need to go over more theories just in case this one falls flat.” he ended barely making eye contact with Reid. He froze for a second, his hand still squeezing around the vials before finally sitting back down on the couch. During the rest of the flight, the team continued to discuss more theories. Reid knew he wasn’t gonna get to the bathroom anytime soon, with a deep sigh he set his materials back in the bag, for later use. They had another thirty minutes to go, and it felt like hours. The rest of the flight Reid read over his file a thousand times he was still a profiler, and nothing was gonna stop him from working. He gave his opinions every once and a while, agreeing with theories and disproving a few also.

Even though it was supposed to feel normal he couldn’t anymore; he was still going through withdrawal, the crook of his elbow was still sore, Hotch doesn’t trust him, and his team thinks he’s gonna snap. He just wanted to convince himself that everything was back to normal, that he’s still the young twenty-four-year-old doctor with all the opportunities ahead of him. Though it felt like with each day that old version of him is withering away leaving who he is now. He hated seeing himself become who he is, but who he is now is keeping him sane. This is keeping him sane, that’s all he wants.

_______________

Holy crap I am so disappointed in my self. I'm sorry this took so long, And it's not even long, or that good. But I hope you liked it, I got a few messages from some people and thank you for your support. I'll try really hard and not take a month to update, but schools starting (yay collage) And I just hope you really enjoy this fic, your lovely comments feed my dark soul. I love all of you and you guys keep me going.❤❤

-Meelie