Bitter Sweet

Chapter One ~ Welcome Back

 "We all get addicted to something that takes away the pain."

-Martin Johnson

Two weeks...

  It's only been two weeks that Spencer was on leave. Two weeks of being locked in his apartment, with only his books and so many nightmares that it would make any psychopath shudder. The recommended length of medical leave is twelve weeks, and Hotch said to, 'take as much time as you need.' The truth was that he was done hiding in his apartment. He missed work, his friends, feeling wanted. Besides, there were upsides to going back to work; It'll keep his brain active, and stimulated,

It might also keep the urges down...

    Ever since Spencer got back from the hospital, sleeping was something he couldn't grasp again the same way he use to. Sleeping felt more like a burden than something he could enjoy, and when he did sleep it was just filled with nightmares, and cold sweats. The night before he went back to work was no different, Spencer woke up in a puddle of his own sweat and a migraine so bad he couldn't move his head. For the rest of the night, he felt his mind drift in and out of consciousness as waited for the sun to rise. By the time dawn had finally arrived his migraine was subdued just enough for him to get out of bed. Spencer slowly made his way across his room stepping around small piles of books as he made his way over to the bathroom for a shower, God knows he could use one.

      As he stepped out of his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist he made his way to his dresser. Before he could get his clothes out, the mirror caught his attention. The young doctor couldn't believe what he saw, cracked lips, sunken eyes, a body that was so skinny and frail, he could see the outlines of his ribs on his chest. The worst of it was his arm, the crook of his elbow held small dots of memories that have been embroidered on his skin. He ran his hand over his arm, the newest marks were still sore, and painful at the slightest bit of pressure.

This is why we're going back to work,

    He thought to himself as he looked away from the mirror and started to pull out clothes for work. Spencer rolled down his sleeves, downed a lot of Ibuprofen, and tried his best to fall back into the routine. He got himself dressed, got his normal cup of coffee, and took the subway down to Quantico. Spencer couldn't help but smile a little as he walked into the elevator leading to the B.A.U, he loved his job...right?

The cool blast of A.C in the Bureau felt refreshing, this is just what he needed.

As Spencer walked past the desks on the main level, he caught the eyes of two of his teammates, Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan sitting together, they looked relaxed, a rare sight. Spencer didn't want to ruin their break. Saying hello after talking to Hotch wouldn't make any difference. Though that plan was destroyed rather fast once Prentiss saw him walk by,

"Reid, you're back," she called out, making Reid stop in his tracks. He looked at Prentiss who was already walking up to him, with Morgan close behind her.

"You sure you're ready to come back, kid. It's only been a few weeks?" Morgan asked concerned as he clasped a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah-no-I know," he answered flinching slightly at his friend's touch, "I'm alright, guys" he continued, as he began to rock on his heels.

Act like yourself everything will be fine

Reid repeated to himself as he watched Morgan eyebrows furrow, and stare him down.

"You sure Reid, you look really tired?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he bit back, a little too defensively, "I'm... sorry, I just...didn't sleep well last night." He retracted.

"It's fine, kid. We all have those nights." Morgan agreed, though his expression didn't.

"Hey, um... is Hotch in his office, I need to talk to him?" Reid asked as he rubbed his eyes. He never noticed how bright the office lights could be.

"Yeah, he's here," Prentiss answered her eyes soft, "Reid we're really glad you're back." She continued, while Morgan nodded In agreement.

"Me too." He answered before heading to Hotch's office.

See, that went well. Do think you're perfectly fine, no. But they believe it just enough.

Spencer quickly ran his fingers through his hair before knocking on Hotch's door, and hearing the stern, come in, before entering. Hotch had to take a double take, surprised to see Reid walk into his office.

"What are you doing back, I thought I told you to say on leave as long as you needed?" He asked, with a blank expression.

"And I did," Reid replied, "I'm ready to come back."

Not surprisingly, Hotch didn't believe that for a second, "You've only been gone for two weeks, I understand if you need more time."

"I don't need more time, Hotch. I'm ready to be back. Both my psych and physical evaluations have been cleared"

"Taking more time will not make the team think any less of you." He continued, ignoring everything Reid said.

"Hotch, I'm not weak."

"I never said you were."

"You're implying it."

"What I am implying," Hotch began shooting up from his seat, making Reid freeze in place, "Is that you went through a horrendous situation, that doesn't just take two weeks to fix, and that you need more time to rest."

Spencer could feel his body start to shake, he can't go home that'll make it everything worse. He needs to be here, he needs to do some type of work.

"Hotch, I'm ready." He said stern.

Hotch stared at Reid before letting out a sigh as he sat down again, "fine, but Spencer, please, if you're not feeling well, tell me." It was a demand, not a suggestion.

Reid let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and thanked him repeatedly. Though he didn't have long to be happy, as he felt himself quickly become nauseous, and his headache began to seep back into his head. He felt his stomach start to churn as the effects of his last dose hit him like a train. He couldn't help but cringe slightly at the sudden impact. Hotch-of course- noticed this, but before he could ask there was another knock at the door.

"Sir, we're all ready for brief-Spence?" Reid smiled at the familiar voice, he turned around to see the person he missed the most,

"JJ." he smiled as he looked at the blonde, as she stood in the middle of the doorway.

"Morgan told me you were back, I didn't actually believe him," JJ explained with a small laugh still in shock, before walking up and pulling Reid into a hug. He felt himself tense up before relaxing into her embraced, he never liked hugs, but he missed her.

"We've missed you,"

"I've missed you too," Spencer replied, before taking a step back making JJ let go of him, "Um...you said there was a case?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes, trying his best to play off his headache.

Why are the lights so bright?

She nodded, "Yeah, we'll start when you're ready, sir," She said, motioning towards Hotch.

He nodded back before standing up, "We'll be right there, thank you JJ." She gave Reid a smile before leaving the office.

"Ready?" Hotch asked as he gathered his possessions,

"Yeah..." He answered as he tried to ignore all the pain that clung to him as he walked with Hotch.

"Spencer?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Welcome back."

~~~~~

Hello! welcome to the first chapter. my idea is that Reid took time off after Hankel, and everyone is just concerned about him, cause in the show they don't show it as strongly as I thought they were gonna. idk, let me know what you think?