An Unlikely Romance

Chapter 3

I always wondered what dying would feel like. I knew what happened to a person physiologically. The body's system shuts down, heart stops pumping blood, air stops filling in the lungs. But I always wondered how it felt. Being alive one second and dead the next. I have seen people die before. Some of them went quietly as if they were falling into a long slumber. Some of them fought with all their might, screaming and thrashing, before the light in their eyes dimmed. I could never decide if death felt painful or peaceful. But today I finally found the answer to this question. When I felt Pietro being ripped away from me.

Death felt like a void. Like a bullet piercing through you, pulling your heart out of your chest. At least that what it felt like to me.

***************

The helicarrier was buzzing with restless energy. Even though the calamity had passed, the adrenaline in everyone's bodies kept them on their feet. Several agents were busy with controlling the helicarrier while others were trying to reassure the survivors. I had to give them credit for trying because what could you say to a family who lost their home, what could you say to the people who lost their loved ones?

And yet despite everything, they were trying. The survivors were trying to come to terms with their loss. The agents were busy helping people, giving them medical aid and food supplies. I had already heard someone speaking on the phone about providing settlement to the families. After everything, they were still trying to move forward, seeing a goal, an end game, the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I could see it too.

After the nuke killed my parents, I had found the strength to move forward. Me and Pietro had no one. No one to turn to for help or comfort. We didn't even have the luxury to mourn our loss. However, we had each other. I had found it in myself to move ahead even if that resolve came from hating Stark and a need to get even.

Now, there was nothing. My brother was dead. The only person I had in this world was gone. I couldn't even bring myself to see his body.

When the city had started to fall, a part of me was relieved. I had never believed in God or afterlife and yet in that moment I had hoped to be reunited with my family. I knew there would be no place for me in heaven and I would have gladly accepted my banishment to hell. I would have gladly walked into death's arms if it meant not getting up to see another day, to not wake in a world without my brother, my Pietro.

But then I had found myself in Vision's arms and the next moment I was being flown away from the wreckage and in the safety of this flying machine. I saw that dream get farther away from me until I found myself being held firmly in the cruel clutches of life, knowing that I wasn't done being punished. I couldn't even bring myself to hate Vision for saving my life, because I knew he saw it as a kindness, an act of mercy.

This was no mercy.

Death would have been mercy.

After being rescued, I was brought to a room which looked like a medical wing. A nurse with kind eyes had tended to my injuries, her hands soft on my skin. I believe she was trying to not cause me more pain. I tried to tell her, that she could be as rough as she wanted to be, that pain would act as an antidote, yet no words would come out of my mouth. After giving me some water and putting some food in my mouth that I swallowed without being able to feel it's taste, the nurse left me to attend to some other patients. The people in the room kept looking at me with concern evident on their faces. However, they all kept their distance. I wondered if what they saw scared them but then I couldn't bring myself to care.

There was one, however, who had not bothered keeping his distance. He came into the room looking tired and dishevelled. Lines of his face prominent under the grim and dust, Stark looked ready to pass out. And yet when he saw me and started walking, his legs didn't shake. Even though every part of me felt numb, seeing his composure made me feel envious. Envious of him still having the strength to move.

It seemed like the sole purpose of his existence was to get a rise out of me.

"Vision told me what happened."

Just a simple statement.

Not a "are you okay?"

Not a "I'm so sorry"

Not a "I'm glad you're alive"

Just a statement.

I didn't know what Vision had told him. Did he tell him about Pietro getting rained down with bullets? Did he tell him about me falling with the city? Did he tell him about rescuing a breathing corpse from the carnage?

I looked at Stark and I knew Vision had told him everything.

"Wanda", he said my name like one would say a prayer to the Gods.

I knew he wouldn't ask me if I was okay. I knew he wouldn't apologise for my loss or offer any other meaningless platitudes. Tony Stark may be good with words and may know how to use them for his benefit. However, today he won't say anything because he knew as well as I did that there was nothing to be said.

A few hours had passed since the explosion, and till now I had felt safe in my numbness. But now, looking at him, I felt that wall being teared down by everything that I was trying so hard to bury.

From a distance, I could hear a few faint voices calling out to Stark, asking him to get his injuries treated. I knew he heard them too and yet he kept looking at me, a mixture of concern and relief evident on his face. I don't know what he was looking for, what answers he wanted from me and if I was even capable of giving them to him.

He looked like he was about to say something else but before he could, a lady in a SHIELD uniform appeared next to him. "Boss, President is on the line for you."

Those words snapped him out of his reverie and his eyes finally left mine. He looked down for a moment, a quiet sigh escaping his lips, "Transfer the call to the conference room". He walked away with the agent, sparing me another glance before exiting the wing.

I finally released a long held breath, feeling relief at being left alone. All I wanted was to numb myself to the world until I was strong enough to move again.

I don't think I will ever be strong enough for that.