An Unlikely Romance

Chapter 4

Death is hardest on the living. A life that ceases to exist is no longer burdened with any earthly concerns. The people who pass away don't have to feel pain or worry about what they left behind. It is the ones who survive that endure the pain of loss, who worry about their future, who have to figure out how to pick themselves up because the world will not stop long enough for them to grieve.

It is what makes me envious of Pietro.

I wish I had perished with him. I wish I could be buried next to him instead of standing over his grave, saying my goodbyes. I wish I wasn't left behind to witness the destruction that was left in my wake.

I had never believed in the afterlife, and yet today, standing over my brother's grave, I couldn't help but feel like I have been banished to the gates of hell.

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The world never stops spinning. No matter how big a catastrophe is, it is never too big to make the earth stop turning on it's axis. It's never enough to make the time slow down or stop altogether. Wheels keep turning, people keep living, time keeps moving forward and some people find themselves left behind.

That is what I feel like. After losing my parents, I was strong enough to pick myself up and keep moving with the world. Maybe because I had Pietro or maybe because I had a purpose, a goal that I needed to work towards. However, now I have nothing. No family to turn back to, no hate strong enough to keep me going. I feel as if everything is moving forward in a blur and all I can do is just stand there, see the world move ahead, not being able to do a thing about it.

Today, my brother was given a burial, miles away from his homeland. Considering, the damage our actions had led to, maybe this committal is what we deserved. Yet, despite being on foreign land, it was no less dignified. After giving ourselves to experiments, I had made peace with the fact that we may never receive a noble end. We had accepted that we might be buried in an unmarked grave. And yet here he was, being laid to rest by heroes.

I had not expected such kindness from them. They weren't our family nor our friends. They were just a group of people we had vehemently hated for most of our life, mainly because of their association with one man, I realise now. We had temporarily formed a truce in the face of possible world annihilation which in no way made them obligated to do something like this. And yet here they were, paying their respects to a man, who just a few days prior had tried to hurt them.

Steve Rogers and his partner, the spy were standing at one side, whispering something to each other. Even outside the field, the friendly camaraderie between the two was obvious. The spy could take orders from the captain without hesitation and could still mock him like a decade old friend. The big God also made an appearance, standing to the other side, constantly fidgeting in his suit, yet seeming very composed. Everything about Thor reminded me of the tranquility of a child: the curiosity about the world around him, the eagerness to learn, the motivation to fight yet not holding on to enmity. His optimism and resilience were admirable.

Standing right next to me was the archer, Clint Barton. The man my brother had died protecting. He stood quietly next to me, glancing at me from time to time. He didn't look at me like others did, like I might explode at any moment. I could glimpse genuine concern in his eyes, something that I had never received from anyone but my family. He was the first to approach me after Sokovia, offering a place to stay at the tower. I didn't know why he even bothered to care about someone like me who had tried to harm his team and almost succeeded, but I couldn't find it in myself to question his intentions. Few days ago, I would have been suspicious of his actions but now, I don't really have anything left to lose.

There was one other person their, standing with the group yet keeping a safe distance. It was as if he wanted to be closer but their was an invisible dome that was not granting him access. He was the last person I had expected to show up here. Rather, he was the last person I wanted to see here and yet I didn't have the energy to hate him for showing up.