Settle Down (Gawsten)

Acceptance

Geoff

The next couple of days of the tour were honestly really good. Besides the constant back-burner question of am I gay?, everything was great. The shows were good, the energy onstage was amazing, the other bands were doing amazing as well, and Awsten and I managed to find a lot of time alone.

However, all that alone time and time to hook up lead to some questionable feelings on my part. For example, two nights ago, Awsten and I actually had sex, like went all the way. It was really amazing, and we were both exhausted after, which explains why he fell asleep on my chest. But when we woke up the next morning, while I was still groggy and sleepy, I thought wow, it'd be great to wake up to this all the time.

Now, that scared me, because I can admit I'm physically attracted to Awsten, even though I do feel weird about it. But at this point, I think I might as well be in love. Maybe I always have been, but I don't know. And I didn't feel like I had to figure it out right away, until I looked down from my bunk and saw Awsten and Patty sitting on the couch, Awsten doing his stupid flirting thing he always does, and I felt a weird sensation of anger and jealousy, but also sadness and confusion. I mean, Awsten and I weren't official or anything, so I didn't have a right to be upset. But that didn't stop me from being upset.

And then, I finally accepted it. I was in love with Awsten Constantine Knight, and I wanted to make him mine. I had no idea what that would entail, but I knew now that was exactly what I needed in my life.