Stars

Chapter 19

'Get a load of this train wreck. his hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet, but little do they know the Stars welcome him with open arms.'~ This is Home by Cavetown

"Mikey?" the word was whispered over the phone, a shaky tone masked the cracking of Pete's voice.

He uncrossed his legs, and stood from his spot on the bed, using a picture frame as a mirror to fix his ruffled hair. "What's up?" the hushed tones of Mikey's voice couldn't be heard from the other side of his wall, where Gerard was lying in a half-empty room filled with boxes and suitcases. At least, they had been there the last time Mikey had gone in, unable to bear the sight of his brother's room in such a barren state.

"Did you wanna meet me at the park down the street from my house? Next to the hill, kinda like the school area?"

"Yeah sure, I'll be like ten minutes, see you there." Mikey hung up after a swift goodbye from Pete, and pulled on a black Venom hoodie, shoving a lighter, earbuds, and a comic into a small backpack his dad had bought for him to use on hikes when they went camping. He left a note on his mattress, telling Gerard not to worry, and letting him know where he was.

He slipped out the front door, keys in hand, and locked it behind him before starting off towards the park. The sky was a deep blue, not quite the black that night held in totality, and the warm glow of streetlamps led his way to the park, where a shadowy figure sat resting on a swing. In the few minutes he had been walking, the sky had become pitch black and laced with stars.

It was so dark that the only place visible at the park was the swings, thanks to the light emanating from the screen pf Pete's phone.

It was completely silence, save for the distant sound of sprinklers from neighbors' yards, and a faint chirping of crickets and other insects. A vast field behind Pete was shrouded in darkness, and Mikey could only see around three feet back from where the shorter boy sat. He walked up silently, only noticed when bark chips began to crunch under his feet in contrast to the dry grass. Pete's head snapped up in fear, but expression shifted to one of relief when he recognized Mikey.

He broke into a grin, a small chuckle escaping him.

"What?" Mikey asked, his face shifting to mimic Pete's.

Pete looked down, clicking his phone off and shaking his head gently, "Nothing, you're just cute." Mikey's face flushed, and he walked hesitantly over to join his boyfriend on the swings. Pete's face fell slightly, only noticeable once a notification lit up his screen, illuminating his sunken eyes and fallen features.

"Hey," Mikey whispered, drifting a shaky hand to Pete's back, who flinched forwards, shuddering slightly. It took Mikey a few seconds to realize that the boy he liked was crying, and he pushed the swing he sat on over to the point that he could put his arm all the way across Pete's shoulders, no matter the strain it put on his legs. Pete seemed to melt into his side, held still from the moving swing by Mikey's arm. The pressure on the crying boy's back held him back from the dark sky he was floating into, empty of stars and a moon, replaced with broken memories and half-forgotten emotions.

"I am," Pete drew in a hesitant breath, forcing his eyes shut. "So, so fucking scared."

Silence settled around the two, neither of them knowing quite what to say. Or, if they did, hesitant to speak up and spoil the serenity of Summer's final nights, a dying season that blanketed them in some small sense of comfort.

"Why?" Mikey asked, his voice barely carrying to Pete's one uncovered ear.

"There was a time... There was a time where I guess I just kinda, didn't know what was gonna happen. And-and I felt so alone and like no one wanted me, y'know? And I guess it was kinda true, like, to a point. Like yeah I had friends n shit, but it didn't really seem like... It felt like they would have as good a time, maybe even a better time if I wasn't there. And there was shit with my parents too—still is; you've heard my mom. But I didn't know, I didn't know who I was, like there was definitely something wrong, but I didn't know what the fuck it was. It just like boiled down to fuckin' hating myself, like a lot. A-and then there was the feeling I should just stay alone and it's all been gone for so long, like the feelings like that n shit."

Pete sighed, his head bowed.

"But now it's school again, and..." he sat back up, and let the dark smoke that had been collecting in his brain for weeks escape through his mouth as he spoke. "It's all coming back, all the crap that wouldn't leave me alone, and I can't deal with it for a second time. Everything's changed so much now; I'm on T, I don't live with my asshole parents anymore, fuck it, I genuinely want to be alive."

Mikey looked up at this, worries bubbling to the front of his mind, but they were pushed back as Pete continued to talk.

"But last year won't leave me the hell alone. When I think I'm over all of it that happened, I get a wave of like... nostalgia, I guess. It's not good nostalgia though, it's... like... bad."

"Like the stuff you just want to never have happened, that keeps coming back and coming back and never quite fading," Mikey offered, his tone one of a closing conversation.

"Yeah..." Pete laughed, "Bad times, bad people. Anyway, this isn't the only reason I asked you to come to the park; the sky is fucking amazing right now."

Pete grabbed Mikey's hand and began to run to the top of a hill that stood directly next to the park, only realizing his mistake when he stood at the top of the hill, gasping desperately for breath.

The grass was dry and brittle, but neither one of the boys could feel it through their hoodies and jeans, nor could they see it, due to the lack of street lamps or any other lights near the hill.

The breeze had become cooler, and swirled between the two as they lay in the grass together.
"Look up there." Pete raised his hand up to point towards the star freckled sky that hung above them.

Mikey turned his gaze upwards, slightly underwhelmed by the small amount of stars above. He shuddered slightly as Pete moved over to lay his head on the side of Miley's shoulder, and began to speak again, the light from the stars reflected in his eyes.

"Now try to look past the stars. Like, don't look at them, don't focus on them, look at the dark spaces between them and let your eyes kinda... relax."

Mikey followed his boyfriend's directions, until he began to catch glimpses of millions of fainter, smaller stars in between the ones he had been focusing on. 'Woah....' he whispered, "How'd you figure that out?"

Pete's eyes glazed over, as he was taken back to "My parents' house. When I lived with them... well, my nightly trips to the roof where the only thing that—kept me sane, I guess. I've had a lot of time to stare at the stars."

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It has been a long fucking time, and I am very sorry for that. I'm really busy right now, and am going through some stuff with my family, but it's all going to be worked out and I'll hopefully be updating more frequently from now on.
Also Jumpsuit and Nico and the Niners are bops
-Planetary