In The Midst of Dying

Chapter 1 * I Died

 (Name)’s Point of View

I walk down the street with my friend, Kaison. I ask, “When do you think the world will end?” He says, “Not for a long, long time.” I say, “It could be right about now...or now...or...now!” Kaison says, “Or...NOT!” I laugh and say, “You’re absolutely correct. Your prize is...nothing!” It was his turn to laugh. I ask, “Do you think I’ll die soon, Kaison?” He says, “Of course not. I wouldn’t ever let something like that happen.”

I ask, “Would you make sure I get a funeral for my death?” He says, “You’re just being obsessed with dying. Get out the emo stage and come into the future with me, (Name).” I ask, “What if I don’t want to, Kaison? What if I can’t? What do I do?” He says, “Of course, you want to. And if you can’t get out yourself, I’ll get you out. That’s what to do. You have to accept my help.”

I say, “I’m just afraid to die. I don’t want to end up like mom did.” Let me explain. My mom had lung cancer. She died, because she came home to Alaska from Florida. She came back to do a skiing competition against dad. Dad had won first place 10 years in a row in skiing in his younger years as he says it.

When he raced her that time, mom had fallen off her feet. Dad ran to her side to help her, but it was too late. Mom died from lack of oxygen. I attended her funeral which dad had planned to be the following Saturday. When I saw her body one last time, I fell to my knees, crying more than a newborn does.

Now, I’m walking to the forest with my friend, Kaison. He always knows what to say. That’s how he became my friend. I remember it quite well.

~Flashback Moment Start~

I sit in the back of the class. I don’t talk to anyone. At lunch, I sit alone at the far side of the other table that no one likes to sit at. I like it though, because we are similar. Neither of us are bothered by people ever. Well, that is until today.

A boy with dirty blonde hair walks over to the table, sitting beside me. He introduces, “Hi, I’m Kaison. Who are you?” I say, “Um...I’m (Name). It’s nice to meet you, Kaison?” He says, “it’s nice to meet you, too. I noticed you always sit here, away from everybody else, so I decided: I’m going to go sit by her and talk to her.”

I smile and say, “You know. That was hilarious what you just said just now.” He asks, “Are you supposed to be that one emo girl who thinks her life is the worst in the whole world? Or are you just anti-social? Or are you just hated by everyone?” I say, “Um...the first 2 are kinda close. I would say my life is the worst in the world, but it is kinda sucky.”

He says, “Tell me your living family.” I say, “I have my dad. That’s it.” He says, “See. You have someone. Stay alive for him.” I say, “Okay. I will.” He says, “Let’s be friends, (Name). How does that sound?” I say, “That sounds good,” holding out my fist for him to bump. He lightly hits it with his fist.

~Flashback Moment End~

Kaison tells me, “It’s not your fault she died. You know that too. Keep hope. You still have your dad. That’s why you’re still living.” I say, “No, dad died yesterday. He...he...he got in a fight with a guy on the street. The guy stabbed him.” My eyes filled with tears.

He says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You know that too. Try to stay alive. Do it for me.” I say, “No, it’s too late. I’m leaving this world earlier than I should. You may have saved me from death’s hands once in my time. You can’t do it twice.” He says, “I can and will.”

I stop where I am, and I say, “No. You’re right. You can stop me. You will stop me. That doesn’t keep me from trying, though. No matter how much I may miss you, I need to do this. I’ve lived long enough now. I fear hurting you. I fear making you wait for my death to happen any day now. So I decided that I want you to kill me.” I slip the gun from my pocket to his hand.

He holds it in his hands lightly and says, “I can’t do this. I won’t. I...I...” I say, “Of course you can. If I die, I want to die in the hands of a friend who will cry when I die. So please, make me happy and shoot. I’ll help you if you have to.” He lets some tears fall from his eyes. I take hold of the gun, holding my hand over his.

I knew I was going to die now. I smile at him and say, “Goodbye. My good friend, I’ll miss you, and I’ll be waiting for you.” He says, “No, don’t pull the trigger. You can’t! Please! Don’t leave me here.” I say, “Goodbye,” pulling the trigger to the gun pointed to my head, “Kaison.”

I am dead now. I don’t have to worry. I could hear a faint voice. He says, “I know you wanted to die. I don’t judge you for it either, but what about what I wanted. I thought I could keep someone alive. I thought you were the one I could protect from death. You were a great friend, (Name). I’m afraid to say goodbye. I was with you through a lot this year. I have to face my fears though, so I just want to say this. Goodbye, (Name).”

Then, that is what is ringing in my ears right now. It repeats itself over and over in my head. Why won’t it shut up? I’m feeling bad for him. That’s it.