I’ve never been a fan of dramatic goodbyes, mostly because there was never anyone I was too concerned about leaving. Although it was hard to leave my mother, she was living a good life. It was myself I had to worry about. Sam had never really left me for longer than a week, with the exception of Cyprus. She was more of an annoying sister that I loved dearly but honestly, when she left me for a few days it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. So when Matt’s car pulled into the alleyway at quarter past 12 in the morning, I thanked him quietly and hurried up the metal steps.
It wasn’t until I’d closed my apartment door that I heard his engine start, and then he was gone.
* * *
Morning came quickly, mostly because I couldn’t remember falling asleep at the foot of my bed in my t-shirt but also because I was woken at 7am by the thoughts of Jamie. It was one of those nights, where although you’re asleep and your eyes are closed and you’re completely peaceful- there’s something at the back of your mind the entire time keeping you annoyingly conscious.
I sighed and sat up squinting my eyes to allow them to adjust to the light. I looked around at my bedroom and pushed my dark hair away from my face. Another exhausting day.
Showered, dressed and with slightly better hair, I sat alone at the breakfast counter in the kitchen and chewed a slice of toast unsatisfyingly. My mind kept swinging back and forth between two things. 1. Jamie and whether he’d be awake- whether he was okay. 2. Matthew.
For a moment I had to remind myself of last night and force the familiar memory of his face in my mind. He seemed a lot more foreign to my memory, but for reasons I can’t explain- it enlightened my view on the day. ‘Will I see him again? Fuck knows, shit- of course you won’t Beth. He was only there last night because you asked about Jamie. Now he knows he’s okay, he’s probably off bounty hunting for some arrogant thug.’
The thought was pretty believable, it wasn’t that Matt was tatted and pierced and dressed in a black leather jacket- none of that. In fact last night he was just dressed in beige jeans and a hoodie. No, it was the way he’d looked at me, letting me know I was just wasting his time- but then again..
In the hospital he was almost completely bearable. I smiled a little- then cleared my throat to cover it. Like it mattered, the apartment was completely empty which somehow made my thoughts of Matt even louder in my head.
* * *
Having planned out the route on my iPad, I had jumped on a bus to St. Thomas’ hospital by 9am. It was a little longer on the bus, but I didn’t mind. Earphones in, and Coldplay on the world was fairly distant. The familiar roads didn’t look half as pretty as they had last night through the dark and the rain. When I arrived the hospital was somewhat quiet, nurses walked with pace and a good sense of direction. Busy. But quiet. I didn’t bother to check in with the receptionist, instead I just kept myself to myself and walked towards Jamie’s room.
I opened the door to Jamie’s room, the blinds were pulled and the light streamed in just before the bed.
“Beth- hey,” Jamie said through a weak voice, I almost didn’t recognise it. He didn’t seem too surprised to see me, which was weird because-
“Where’s your dad?” I asked.
“He’s not here, but I know he told you about…y’know,” he motioned towards himself. “Look, I’m sorry I should have told you months ago-“
I waved him off. “Shut up, when did we ever really see each other after secondary school?” He smiled and I returned it. I sat down in the chair beside the hospital bed he was propped up in. I didn’t like seeing people in hospital, even if it was for their own good.
