The Promise

Chapter 15

It was 11 p.m. when I finally made it to the seventh floor and collapsed backward onto the bed. It had been a long day and it had taken its toll. I had promised myself I would consider the future once the banquet was over. Technically, this night wasn't truly over, but I knew I couldn't put the decisions off much longer. I relaxed my muscles; they had been taut all day. I felt the stress leave as I closed my eyes. An image of Sadie formed, 'and I'll always love Richard.' It echoed in my skull. I tried to see Amber, but her image kept getting replaced. I remembered how it felt to hold Sadie. I sang to her. I snapped up to a sitting position, eyes wide, my muscles tense again, loaded with guilt.

I was startled by a quiet knock at the door. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and headed to the door. I was about to open it when I heard another knock, but not from the hall door as I had originally thought. It was the door between Sadie's room and mine. My heart pounded hard and my throat thickened. I was hoping I wouldn't see her until morning. Too much was going through my head and I didn't particularly like myself right now. I was crapping all over what Amber and I had built. I opened the door slowly and kind of blocked the entry with my body. Sadie didn't attempt to enter.

"Hi," Sadie said kindly. Her hands came together loosely in front of her. It looked defensive in response to me blocking the door. I felt worse. My first impulse was to yell at her, my second was to the slam the door closed. Instead, I took a step back and let her in. My problems were not hers.

"Hi," I returned. My greeting was more generic. Sadie entered and I closed the door. I should have left it open. With it closed, I felt trapped. I fidgeted until I decided to fold my arms in front of me and lean against the wall.

"Guilt?" Sadie asked softly. My arms fell down at her question. I put my hands in my pockets as I tried to come up with some kind of response. I had to look away. Her eyes were too caring.

"I'm sorry." It was a shitty response. It was packed full of cop out. I should have just told her to leave.

"I'm not," Sadie said and sat on my bed. She wasn't leaving. I had to look back at her or kick her out. One or the other. I looked back and shame filled me. "Amber was incredible. I can see it in everything you do. The way you care, the way you make my problems your own. She nurtured that in you. I wouldn't have you any other way."

"It hurts," I said truthfully, "I'm forgetting what she looks like. What does that make me?"

"Human," Sadie answered.

"I see you instead," I said, "it's tearing me up, dishonoring her like that."

"You sang for me," Sadie said, nodding. My eyes swelled and I closed them to hold it all in. "It was lovely," she added.

"Bob set me up," I said stupidly. Sadie laughed which made me smile.

"You sang to me," Sadie repeated.

"Yes," I sighed, "why does it feel like I was insulting Amber?"

"Because you love her," Sadie said simply, "you will always love her. I don't want you to ever stop loving her." Sadie stood and stepped toward me. "I want you to make room for me too."

"I already have," I admitted as much to myself as to her.

"Good," Sadie smiled, "I've made room for you." Her hand softly found the back of my neck and gently pulled my lips down to hers. 'I love you Amber,' I thought as Sadie's lips met mine. 'I love you Sadie,' I thought as Sadie's tenderness engulfed me. I wrapped my hands around her and pulled her closer and returned the kiss as passion invaded. It was a different passion, Sadie's passion. Separate from what I had felt with Amber. Amber would always have my past, but I decided at that moment to give Sadie my future.