Honey Trap

Chapter Twenty-Five: Blue Painted Roses

A storm is coming... the birds gave it away when they couldn't stay still, they flew in a flock- not knowing a sense of direction. However, it was very nice outside; sky clear blue, sun at its peak, and it was incredibly warm with a light breeze. I took it all in, sitting in the middle of the maze garden, surrounded by bushes and colorful flowers. I twirled one in my hand, a purple tulip, the thin green stem fit perfectly in between my fingers.

Taking in a deep breath, I looked across from me to the other chair, gray eyes stared deep into my soul, the silence surrounded us- it was great... it felt great. Instead of the matching navy blue sweater and yellow button up, he chose a bolder color of gray and red; light gray sweater to match his eyes and a red button up to show off his confidence- at least the little amount he had for an older man. I'm sure he was cocky, but not too cocky where he'll flash his education and money to anyone who step on his toes.

"I usually don't do my sections in the outdoors," Thomas spoke out after the minute of silence. "Mainly because my clients doesn't ask me to go outside, but it's nice and different."

I dropped the tulip to the ground, the soft third of it hitting the grass was an alarm for me to get out of the comfortable place and step out of it like I did last time. "It's a nice day." I voiced. "I didn't want to spend it indoors."

"What's on your mind, today?"

I would of thought the first therapy section would put me in a better spirit, but I barely managed to get through the rest of the week. I felt slow, tired, and upset most of the time. I couldn't get out of bed nor eat without being forced by Nanette, Emily, and Viper- in that order exactly. "I thought I'll get better, if I opened up all of it would be over. But it became worse."

Thomas sighed, for the first time ever he showed the slightest emotion. "It's gets worse before it gets better, Ms. Connell." Again, that formal acknowledgment, my insides lightened up immediately. "That's why we have continuous weekly sections, until you feel as if our meetings would not be needed anymore."

"How long does that take?"

"Well it depends, I've encountered that a few of my clients only needed me for a month, others stretched it out to two years before they cut ties. The important thing is to get better, no matter how long it would take."

Two years?! Surely I did not have time for that, and I'm most definitely sure I won't need him that long. Just the idea of us having these sections once a week for the next two years, there's no joy in that. "The reason why I hurt someone..." I started off, I wanted to get this over with so I won't spend two years staring at his old gray beard face. "Because I was scared. Two weeks ago, I was trapped in a relationship- if you even call it that- being continuously raped for the past four days. The guy is gone now and never coming back, but I can't stop thinking he'll walk through those double doors and trap me again."

Again, he showed a sing of emotion by shifting in his seat from my confession. "Tell me, Ms. Connell. Are you suicidal?"

I hesitated, my eyes grew wide, lips curled into a frown, and body stiffened. "No," I answered, my voice was nothing but a whisper that formed with the breeze.

Thomas clicked his pen and wrote down the truth, definitely I was suicidal, but I wasn't the type to pop pills, cut my wrist, nor jump off the roof of the building. I planned to die by facing my problems and pain, the barrel presses to my forehead as I face the person who paid so much to kill me. "Your mind is very complicated and most of the time it can play wicked tricks. I'm not saying suicide is good and the way to go when dealing with situations like this, and it wouldn't change anything. But it's natural way thinking when starting the process of moving past it all; the pain and fear."