where my thoughts go to die

the chase

i have thoughts- flashes of someone who remains
unknown, unnamed, and unrealized.
i see him when i close my eyes before i enter my dreams,
where i see him again- only this time in bright fluorescent glows followed by even brighter feelings of comfort and joy.
but every morning i wake up and find those feelings to be left behind in the world i created in my mind
unable to reach them despite the thoughts being within my own head.
no matter how hard i try i can never get back to the feeling i have when i'm with this nonexistent person. i chase it, oh, how i chase it.
but i can never catch the feeling.
it always escapes me.
the realization has been made that this person isn't real, and neither are the feelings.
but yet i find myself continually trying to indulge in the warmth of his presence, and the security of his unconditional affection.
i cant focus on him though.
not for long, at least.
but i try.
oh, how i try.