The Carter Project ✓

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THE ANXIETY JUMPED out.

All of my troubles and fears about getting myself further involved with Carter that had been suppressed for a while all began mixing and churning in my stomach and at the back of my mind. Swirling like a storm that was soon to break and soak me to the bone with everything that made me feel like I didn't belong here.

But hopefully, I was keeping my cool on the outside as I sat next to Carter Abrams at his lunch table. Even if there was an explosive secret between us, almost like I was tip toeing through a minefield just being this close to him.

He seemed to be just fine, maybe because he was in his element. The table Jack practically had to drag me to held a varying cast and character of beautiful, popular kids. There were some of the cheerleaders from his football days, as well as some of the other players of football and various other sports like lacrosse and basketball. I knew some of them from around school, in fact, I knew all of their names despite the fact that I was pretty sure they didn't know mine. They were laughing about a party, not Carter's yesterday, but one of them I definitely couldn't go to.

Some senior's party, in fact, that they were invited to out in the suburbs a few weeks ago. I, of course, was fine considering the toll Carter's party had taken on me. I wasn't sure if I could even survive the one Rita was trying to get me to go to. I was stressed out by it enough and it was only a hypothetical now.

I had been uncomfortable my whole time sitting here, but I must've been uncomfortable in an even bigger and bolder way because Carter had turned himself to look at me with a smile on his face. "Hey, Mia, what's up?"

The conversation had died down when he asked me that, and with my luck, I was suddenly put on the spot in front of the popular kids. I had no idea how to answer that, unable to predict Carter's stance on making it public that we had slept together, so I had no clue what I could say to completely steer us clear of that topic. Of course, I also had to say something that didn't make me sound like I was a total loser.

"What are people doing for the Spring Fling?" I asked, thankfully not sounding as nervous as I was. Maybe it was all in my head. I looked away from Carter and at the rest of the people at the table who reminded me that no, it wasn't all in my head.

While they definitely didn't make it known when I first got to the table, they were surely wondering who the hell was I and why the hell was I sitting at their table if their furrowed brows and scrunched up faces were any indication. The only people who weren't fazed by my question were Carter and Jack, who I guess didn't think of me as that much of a loser anymore.

I instantly hated Carter for making me sit here and be judged by these people, because I would've been fine eating lunch by myself and just going to the library. But now I've made a fool out of myself in front of the people I used to purposefully avoid for the past few years so I wouldn't get into situations like these.

But to my surprise, a cheerleader across the table who I knew was named Sidney piped up saying "yeah, I think people are going, but we're leaving early. We just don't know where the after party is happening yet."

That was a relief, mainly because there was a slight chance that the party wouldn't be at Carter's and I could retreat back into what parties were in my comfort zone: movies with my friends and falling asleep together on the couch. Of course, I was careful not to let out a sigh or anything in case Carter's sense of awareness about me would pick up on it and decide to throw the party after all.