Book of Art

Looking in the mirror

Suicidal thoughts running round my brain, they say I'm insane
Now I'm looking in the mirror, but I ain't looking at me
No, you don't understand I'm not looking at me
I'm looking at what everybody want me to be
It's stressin me
I'm losing hope fast, I don't think I can change
So I'm looking up at the sky, trying to get in a couple word with my savior
"Hey Lord are you there" but I ain't get a reply
Now I'm sitting here shakin in my skin
He really must not give a fuck then
Ain't nothin new
I ain't trippin, don't worry
Now I'm passing time with my favorite activity
Looking at them lines a sense of safety flows into me
The pain is my outlet and these words are my wall-piece
I guess the knife would be the wire and its running right into me
It's over now though and it's been gone for a while
Only physically though
Mentally I'm down
Mentally I feel the rope around my neck
And I'm startin to fall but ain't got nothin to grasp onto yet
Can't keep this balance forever
I'm destined to fall
So I guess that's what I'll be doin
Slowly though
Who said I was gonna leave so fast
I'm not dead yet but here I am getting close to the edge
I know it'll never change no matter what nobody say
So you could miss me with that bullshit
I'll just live another day
Screaming with my silence
No that ain't right cause this here isn't living
I'm exsisting
I'm surviving
I ain't thriving
Living would be pleasant
And how I feel right now is anything but that
The opposite really
I'm exhausted from little things like getting outta bed
Taking care of myself?
Yah I guess I can manage that
Nope never mind I just can't do it
"Oh get up and stop being a baby you'll get through it"
Well then okay
You're right
Let me just get rid of the "sadness" I've been fighting for the longest
Just by listening to you
Someone who probably hasn't struggled with their mind telling them things like;
They aren't worth it
That they don't belong
That they a waste of space
Something that mama should've aborted
I'll just look in the mirror again and visualize a happy me
Cause looking in the mirror is really helpful to me
Cause looking in my mirror doesn't pressure me
Cause I like looking at the imagine of a person that I can never be
The person that is taunting me
Won't hurt me more
I'll look at what you want me to be again
I'll try to form myself just how I visualized her
Nah I don't call her me because she isnt
She's flawless
I'm not
I'll break myself trying but that what you want right?
To keep trying and not give up?
The picture-perfect girl is who ill try to be
But would you guys imagine that this just came from me
If you didn't sit and watch the words come out my mouth would you believe
A teenage girl not even old enough to walk the streets yet
Feeling lonely and ready to die
Such a pity really
But anything can happen
But really it ain't just me
A bunch of people feel like this
Y'all just turned a blind eye
Now y'all living in ignorant bliss