I will never leave you Hanna Baker

Chapter 4

Hanna P.O.V

After Evelyn leave to school with zach I went upstairs to get ready for work at New York magzine. When I started to leave the house my mom said "wait Hanna I want to talk to you, can I have your 20 minutes?"

I said "sure, why not" I sat beside my mom on couch and said "what you want to talk?"

She look little bit nervous and looking at my eyes I said "mom you know you can ask me anything"

She said "Hanna can you promise me first you will listen me and you will not interrupt me till I finish my words?"

I was confused what she wants to talk about that I have to promise her. But I nodded and said "okay, I promise I will listen to you and not interrupt you"

She touch my hand and said " Hanna you should marry zach" i was shocked by her words, a shiver runs through my body and I can't process that she want me to marry zach. How could she say these to me she know that my heart only beats for clay. In three years there was not a single day or a second, I have not missed clay. I hold my tears not to roll from eyes, She kept saying something which I don't listen as I was on my own thoughts of clay. Then I heard a poke on my shoulder and I see Mom who have tears in her eyes and she said "Are you listening?" I check time on my watch and took my bag and started to move towards door, she called me from backside "Hanna please say something" she started to cry and I can feel her pain I move back and stared her.

"Mom, how could you say that I should marry zach" and tears started to roll my eyes too.

"Hanna just listen zach is a good person" 

 "Mom i know that"

"He has promised he will take good care and bring happiness in your life"

"After clay gone from my life my happiness also vanished, there is no man who can bring happiness in my life" I paused and think of every moments of clay and me which we shared together.

"You should move on honey now it's been 3 year, I can't see you like these".

"Mom you know i only love clay--" she cut me off and said "why didn't you understand honey clay is dead he will never come again"

"Noooo he is not dead" i shouted loudly "he promised me he will come for me mom. You won't understand mom... you won't understand and never will be" I started crying and felt to a ground

She sat beside me wipe my tears and said" I know how you are feeling, I am also feeling same because he was like my son but honey you should understand he will never come"

"No mom he will come" and i kept my hand on my face.

"Honey listen clay never wanted to see you like these...he wanted to see you happy, not because of us but for clay just think one time about Zach" She paused and said " you know Zach has helped us from bankruptcy and many things and he was always there for you and Evelyn no matter just think once"

I said "Mom my last and final decision is clay place in my and Evelyn life no one will take" I took my bag and unlock door and said "Bye mom" went to my car and drive to my office.

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At office I was working on a magazine which was realising next week, when boss came and said "Everyone listen there is a great news we have today" we all look at our boss who was smiling and then he said "our magazine got No.1 position in the New York" all started smiling and applause "and there is also one good news that we are going to take an interview of a future owner of a Samson company, can you believe it" all were amused and one employee said "I have listen that he is a grandson of John Samson but they lived in India" then boss said "yeah, they lived in India but Mr.John Samson secretary has called and informed me that his grandson Eros is coming to New York tommorow and Mr Samson wants that everybody should know who will take the responsibility of Samson business after John Samson. So there will be an interview of him which I want Hanna should take" I widend my eyes all were staring at me and giving me applause "thanks boss for giving me this opportunity, I will do my best"

He smiled and said"I know Hanna that's why I am giving you this responsibility" he give me a envelope,  I nodded and took the enevlop from his hand and he said "every information about interview and schedule and contact number of his secretary is present in this envelope" I said "thanks boss" and he move towards his cabin and I started doing my work.

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4 hrs later (At Evelyn Play school)

Hanna P.O.V

I was waiting for Evelyn to come as I promise her that I will come to pickup her. She came outside of school but looking sad "Hi Eve what happened?" 

"Nothing momma"

"Why you are sad?"

"Mom can I go to a church" in a pleaded voice

"Okay sure honey" I said.

I know something went wrong with her but she will not say now. so I drove the car to one of a New York church where me and clay go everytime when he comes to New York to meet me and last time we both went here was on an accident day. But afterwards me and Evelyn come here once in a month. After reaching there I unbuckle my seat belt and Evelyn and we went inside to church. I saw father Henrik. who always there for me whenever there is a doubts in my mind and always help me. I went to father Henrik to greet him and Evelyn go for praying. I was talking to father when I saw Evelyn crying and I said bye to father henrik and went to Evelyn.

"What happened Evelyn? Why are you crying baby?" I tightly hug him and again ask "baby tell me what happened? Does someone in school told you bad thing? Please tell" i was frightening.

"Momma, no-one in school told me bad thing" i sighed "Momma....I miss daddy badly, why he gone to far from us?, Why God took from us?" The tear started to roll my eyes. She was crying very hard. I can feel my daughter pain.

"Evelyn your father was good person and God wants good person for his work so he took your father" I took her hand and said "come we should go home now" I can't speak to her and only I want is to cry loudly.

But deep in my heart i was feeling sorry. I don't know why but that god took her dad  those word which I said to Evelyn before which I don't want to say but I can't give her a fake hope. That i am keeping 'he will come' that my heart always say but the reality is 'he will never because he is no more'. "Sorry sweetheart" my inner soul told her but she can't listen it.

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At night

I went to Evelyn room she was sleeping with clay photo in her small hand and it look like she was crying before sleeping. I took photo and keep in a frame, pull the bedsheet and switch off the light and kissed her forehead and said "good night Evelyn, I know I can't take your dad place, I know I can't become good parents and I am sorry that I am not strong enough. Please forgive me sweetie..." I can't hold it I straight went outside and went to my room and started to cry hugging the pillow and said "I am sorry clay...I am really really sorry that I proved wrong mother. I cannot take our daughter responsibility. I am....sorry."

"I am sorry clay, you taught me to be strong but sorry I'm letting you down.... I can never be strong enough to accept that you are no longer here i miss you.....i miss you clay, our daughter miss you" and I cried