Confusion--[A LOOKISM Fanfiction]

Half Forgotten

Daniel had been casting looks in my direction all day.

Mira, having noticed, would make cheesey faces at me or wink. She probably assumed it was because Daniel returned my supposed crush. In actuality, he probably just recognised me from yesterday.

I wanted to approach him, but I was filled with irrational butterflies. I'm not the Jay from the Manhwa...I'm some random girl from another world. What if I'm annoying to him. I don't want to end up being another Zoe.

The teacher dismissed us for the day, and I began to pack up my school supplies. A voice cleared itself above me. I look up through my fringe and catch my breath.

"H-h-hi," Daniel stammered, nervously pulling on the back of his hair. "Um. I'm Daniel! Let's be friends!" He was so cute. He tried to exude confidence, but the way he shuffled his feet gave him away.

I smile and stand up. I noted that I was slightly taller than him. I gently took hold of his hand and turned up his palm, before introducing myslef in my customary way.

"Jay?" Daniel breathed, his cheeks slightly flushed. "Your..name is Jay?" I smile at him and nod, clasping his hand firmly. He smiles at me.

"Daniel Park," he introduced himself. "It's nice to meet you, Jay."

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We talked for only a few minutes before Daniel was once again bombarded by people wanting to get to know the handsome new stranger. With his attention moved on, I took it as my cue to slip away. I didn't go far, though.

I leaned on my bike in an ally near the school, watching my fellow students pass me by in giggling, gossiping cliques.

From the Manhwa, I could vaguely recall Jay having a smoking habit that he quit for....for...for reasons...?

I even found a pack of cigarettes in one of my drawers. But as I had never smoked in my past life, I hadn't taken much thought of it so I pocketed the pack and moved on.

Now, though, I had an inexplicable urge to light one. An itch in the back of my throat and a peculiar feeling in the base of my skull.

I slid one of the sticks out of the box with slightly hesitant hands. I balanced it on my fingers for a few moments. I didn't have a lighter on me, so I couldn't smoke it if I wanted to. But there was something simply calming about holding it.

I sighed and shoved it back into the pack, and then the pack into my inner jacket pocket. I started my bike and prepared to head home, when I saw Daniel walking past with Zoe and two othee girls whose faces I didn't recognize.

I drove forward slowly, rather than speed off like I usually did. Soon, the girls and Daniel split ways and the transfer student was left to walk home alone.

That is, until I rode up beside him, making him look up at me in shock. "Jay!" His face spread into a smile. "Do you live this way?"

I hesitated, then propped my bike so that I could use my hands. [I have work up this way. How about you, Daniel?]

"You have a job in the area?" Daniel repeated in surprise. "Oh! My house is this way. I've been thinking about getting a job though..."

I was suddenly faced with a dilemma. I could give him a job, sparing him a lot of grief and giving him a high paying position to boot. But I would be depriving him of several personal growth experienced. Furthermore, it would make the plot spin further and further away of what little I remembered.

I looked up at Daniel, who stood there with an angelic smile. [I could hire you.] I told him, moving my hands quickly, sloppily, before I could talk myself out of it.

Daniel immediately shook his head. "O-oh, I couldn't ask that of you, Jay!" I tried to insist, but Daniel stayed firm.

It made me admire him just a little bit more. So I offered to drive him home as a compromise. He deliberated for a moment, before cheerfully agreeing with "I've never ridden on one of these before!"

I take off the helmet I had on my head, and plop it onto his. After he has it fastened I guid his strong, warm arms around my waist.

I relish the way he presses against me. The way his body curves around mine. How his arms hold on tightly, even though we haven't started moving yet. I start the drive to his place, with Daniel giving unneeded directions in my ear, his breath tickling my neck.

If the drive was a tad longer than normal...well, Daniel didn't seem to mind. We came to a red light, so I slowed to a stop, taking the opportunity to lay my hand against the ones curled into the fabric of my shirt.

Daniel stiffened minutely, before softly breathing out and laying his head on my shoulder, his face turned toward the curb.

Then he sat up a little. "Jay, will you please pull in here, just for a moment? I'm sorry..." I look over at where he was pointing and reluctantly steer us into the parkinglot of a dingy looking corner store that has a help wanted sign on the door.

Daniel clambers off, with a promise to only take a minute. I idle, watching his broad back disappear into the shop. True to his word, not even five minutes later he exits with a broad smile on his face. I don't ask what he was doing, and he doesn't offer an explaination.

He simply slides back behind me, and thanks me in his normal way-- genuinely surpised that I would wait for him. I pat his leg in lieu of signing, and urge my bike back into traffic.

All too soon, we arrive at his little house. Daniel is slow to get off. I look at him, and his face turns scarlet as he  hurries to almost tumble from his seat. I grab his elbow, worried that the adorable dork will end up tripping and hurting himself.

As soon as he's standing again, Daniel looks at me with an abashed chuckle. "S-sorry, Jay," he worries his bottom lip, until it's almost unnaturally red. "You probably think I'm a mess."

I don't know whether he's refering to his clumsiness, the state of his 'house', or something completely different. Either way, my answer is the same.

[I think what I think doesn't matter,] I tell him with a smile. [Just be yourself. I can tell that you're perfect as you are.]

Daniel looked up at me through his lashes. "So am I supposed to ignore your opinion, since what you think doesn't matter?" He asks with a small grin. I flick his nose, and his eyes fly wide in surprise.

[If you want,] I tell him, gently unclasping the helmet from under his chin. From the look on his face, he might have forgotten he was wearing it. [It's how you think of yourself that matters.]

Daniel tries to babble away the growing blush in his cheeks. "B-but from what you just said, the fact that my own self acceptance is of greatest importance is actually your opinion. And you just said to ignore your opinion. So what if it's my opinion to value your opinion,  would that be accepting my opinion or your opinion?"

I pull the helmet on over my head, then I squeeze his hand. [You're cute]. I leave him there, spluttering incoherently with a wide grin on my face. I knew he'd gotten a job at the cornerstore, and I knew he would have some grief because of it.

I agonized over what to do. If I just outright stopped the bullying from happening, I might alter events into something even worse than what happened. Although it was almost a moot point by now.

Events from the Manhwa in my memories were hazy at best. Gone at worst.

I had until that night to decide.