falling | mayfield

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max had left a small locked box on the bed next to her with "the party" written upon a piece of paper. she threw the key into the quarry earlier, as she knew that eleven could unlock it anyway. 

max's mother had made a trip to the police station and had given the box to hopper, who delivered it to el. 

dear dustin, lucas, el, mike, and will, 

as cliché as this might sound; when you read this, i will be dead. yes, i, maxine mayfield of both indiana and california, am officially dead.

i do not want you to worry. i killed myself. it wasn't billy, it wasn't my mom, it wasn't my step-dad, it wasn't some crazy psychopath who killed me in the middle of the night and then left, it was me. 

no, i didn't have depression or any sad shit like that. i just thought hawkins would be far better off without me. 

i am- or, i was a lesbian. yeah, sorry dustin and lucas, i like girls. (for el, a lesbian is a girl who feels a special connection with other girls instead of with boys.) 

i know all of you are probably disgusted with me right now, and youre planning to burn any memory you have of me, but let me explain first. 

when i moved to hawkins, i was confused on who i was. i didn't realise that i liked girls specifically- at first i thought i was bi. so i kept all of my feelings bottled up inside me, i didn't tell anyone or ask for help. i thought that living like this would feel better, but instead it made everything much, much worse. i started doubting myself. 

next thing i knew, it was figured out. i like boobs, not abs. i felt gross. no one appreciates homosexuals, its wrong to them. so, i went with the crowd. it was wrong to me. 

i know i should be nice to myself or something, but i just felt really... different. and i didn't want to be different. i wanted to be cool and likeable and regular, like i was in california. not a freak. 

and then billy found out. and he beat me. those were what caused the bruises to form- not my skateboard. and that's when i knew that i had to go. 

so there you have it. im sorry. 

i'll see you all when youre dead. love, max. 

(ps mike please don't get mad at me but i had a tiny crush on el) 

     
the boys wept after reading the letter, even mike, despite max's "ps". eleven, still confused on the whole situation, did not. they laughed at her stupid out-of-place jokes and felt immense anger because of what billy did to her. 

but there was nothing they could do. 

from that day forward, nothing was the same. the arcade was always strangely empty, mike had no one to argue with, and lucas and dustin had lost the ability to crush. 

max was falling, and she didn't know what to do except simply hit the bottom. 

hi!!! first of all,,, thank you few people 
who actually read this! [and ty for the 
shoutout ruth :))] i know the ending 
probably wasn't what you expected + 
im sorry it was so sad. to make up for 
that,, i have a byler book in my drafts 
that is super soft and happy. as soon 
as you read this the first chapter will 
be out, so you can read that if you 
want! again, thank you for reading <33 
        -- sakura