instant family

f o u r

*wednesday*

the last two days have been nothing but miserable. i only had stella for a week but i feel like this is where she belongs. this is her home, her not being here feels strange, it feels wrong. i miss her. i miss the crying, the late night walks, the random car rides, the sweet smiles and rare giggles. i miss all of it. i haven't heard from nate so i don't know how she's doing over there with him. without me. i hope she's doing okay, i hope all of this isn't too much for her.

work has been rough, she stays on my mind constantly and it makes it hard for me to focus on anything else. i'm sure she's fine in nate's care. otherwise he wouldn't have been asked to be her godfather but i still worry. my boss noticed something was off and after explaining that i have joint custody of my goddaughter with someone, i didn't tell him who, and i'm just nervous about how she's doing he was very understanding. i couldn't ask for a better boss, honestly.

"vanessa." i look up to see my boss, evan post standing in the doorway, a stack of papers in his hand. i sit at my desk and give him a small smile.

"yes?"

"would you make me a copy of these, please?" he holds the papers out.

"of course." i stand up and walk around my desk, taking the papers out of his hand.

"how're you doing?" he asks, his eyes full of concern as he looks over my face.

"better." i halfway lie. "i'm slowly but surely getting adjusted to the situation." i walk over to the copy machine and place the first piece of paper in.

"if you need anything just let me know." he offers kindly. "if you need to take some time off or you've got an emergency don't be afraid to tell me." his green eyes look straight into my own brown ones.

"thank you, evan." i smile graciously. he's always been so kind. he's got some sort of a thing for me and in all honesty i'm somewhat into him too but it would be highly unprofessional of me to go out with my boss. he's asked me to dinner on multiple occasions and i feel bad for turning him down but i can't have a personal relationship interfering with my job. he gives me a slight nod before leaving the room, leaving me to make copies.

as i'm finishing up my phone rings in my bag. i shut off the machine and tap the stack of papers neatly against the desk before grabbing my bag and rummaging through it until i find my phone. i pull it out and see nate's name on the screen. i immediately become panicked. he hasn't called me since he's had her, what if something happened? i quickly slide my finger across the screen and raise the phone up to my ear. "hello?"

"vanessa, i need your help." he says in a frantic tone which raises my panic levels.

"why? what's wrong?"

"she just.. she won't sleep, she won't stop crying. i was trying to figure it on my own but i can't. i can't get her to calm down. she refuses to sleep, i don't know what's wrong." he sounds exhausted.

"okay, i'll be right there. give me ten minutes." i hang up the phone and grab my bag and the stack of papers. hurrying to evan's office, i tap on the door and walk in. "evan, i've got to go. i just got a call from nate and he's having trouble with stella."

"okay, no problem. i hope everything's okay."

nate sends me a text with his address and i set the papers on his desk and run down the steps, having no time to wait for the elevator. i make it to my car and start heading his way. it's a quick drive but it seems to take forever to get there. i jog up the steps in my now bare feet and knock harshly on the door.

seconds later the door opens, revealing a tired, stressed looking nate and a screaming stella. i frown and take her out of his arms. i immediately start bouncing her and patting her  back gently and i try to shush her. it doesn't work. "i've tried a bath, i've tried driving her around, i've tried walking." he tells me but my focus is on her. this is too much for her. we need to find something we can do to make it easier on her. nate steps out of the way and allows me into his house. as i try to console her an idea comes to mind and as much as i hate to admit it, i think it may be our only option.

"seeing as neither of us are going to give up custody and i don't see this getting better any time soon, i think our only option might be moving into their house... together." i fade out, the last word not wanting to come out. he stares at me blankly. "for stella. there's plenty of rooms in that house for us to sleep separately but if we're going to handle this as mature adults then this is what needs to be done."

"are you sure that's what you want to do?" he scratches the back of my neck.

"no." i say stiffly. "i don't want to. but if we're going to make this work then we'll just have to deal with it. not for you or for me, this would be solely for stella."

he stays quiet and i can tell he's thinking about it. "alright."