"Merci, is there anything you want to tell me?" My hairstylist, Megan, asked as she began to fix my hair for the first show.
"No, not really." I said still half asleep from my nap. "Why?"
"Because I have a really strong feeling about something, and I would really appreciate if you told me." She said looking into the mirror at me, staring into my soul. I bit on my thumb and tried to avoid eye contact but she's just so damn scary when she wants to be.
"Ugh." I said finally not able to take it anymore. "Fine, I'm pregnant. Don't tell anyone." I said whispering.
"I knew it!" Megan exclaimed.
"What? How?"
"The texture of your hair changed."
"That's the dumbest thing I've heard in a while." I said laughing.
"It's true though." She said clipping up the top so she could start curling it. "How are you feeling about everything?"
"You know, you're the first person to ask me that. Everyone else just says congrats and then starts naming my kid for me." I said looking into the mirror.
"That doesn't surprise me," she said letting a piece of hair fall. "Really, how are you?"
"To be honest," I said picking at my fingertips "I'm so freaking scared. Like what if something happens to him/her or what if I like get super fat and Shawn just wants to up and leave? I can't take care of a baby by myself. And my mum wants me to get married and one part of me wants to buy the other part knows that that is a terrible idea because I'm not even 19 yet and what if that scares Shawn away? My kid can't not have two parents, I refuse to let that happen. And I can die giving birth and I don't want to leave my baby alone with Shawn because what if he can't handle it? But I also don't want my baby to end up in the system so my moms will probably have to take him/her but they've already got five kids at home. And I honestly feel like I'm going to be a shitty mom and ruin my baby's life and they are going to hate me. And I just really wish everyone was less excited because it makes me feel like a shitty person because I'm not excited. At all, and I wish I was, but I'm not and I can't tell Shawn that because he'll probably hate me and I can't have him hate me-" I stopped because I couldn't speak anymore. My chest hurt and my eyes were burning with tears. My hands were shaking and it was hard to breathe.
Megan put down the curling rod and walked in front of me. She grabbed a tissue and wiped my face before wrapping me into a hug.
"Honey, I know you probably think you're a terrible person for thinking all of those things, but that just makes you human. I thought the same thing when I had my first kid. You don't have to be excited, it's one hundred percent okay to be scared shitless. I know I was. And you're not going to be a bad mom, unless of course you try to give your kids drugs it something. You have every right in the world to feel whatever you want to feel about this." She said rubbing my back. "And I've seen the way that boy looks at you, there's no way in hell he'd ever leave you."
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