To Infinity and beyond. [A Troyler story]

My Happy Little Pill.

"my happy little pill, 

take me away,

dry my eyes,

bring colour to my skies."

Tyler's pov

[quick a/n I don't know how this is gonna turn out, it might be shit or possibly alright. Lets just hope for the best.] 

Do you know how it feels to finally hold Troye after being away from him for what seems like years? When people say losing someone is like losing a part of yourself, it sounds very cliché but I assure you that's actually what it feels like. After Troye had somewhat broken up with me I was sad because he wasn't there, upset because I wanted him to be there but I couldn't get him to be there with me and then I was very angry at myself because I couldn't figure out exactly what I had done to make him break off our relationship. For someone like me, not knowing is very annoying because it means you have no control over anything and you therefore cannot find a solution to the problem since you have no idea what the problem actually is and let me tell you that sucks. Especially when its in relation to the one person you care about the most. 

I remember that day when he left, I was so broken it literally felt like my heart was being ripped apart and it took every ounce of self control in me to stop myself from smashing things. I stood outside for a while after he had gone and I felt so helpless, I couldn't do anything but just stare at the spot where he had been standing. I could still feel his touch, the way his fingers delicately brush against my skin, the way he gently runs his hands through my curls. I just stood there reminiscing all the moments we spent together and some of his little quirks that just always made me fall deeper in love with him each time. For example the way he runs his dainty little fingers through my quiff even though he knows I am super protective of my quiff or the skillfully hums along to a song he has never heard of. The way nuzzles his head closer into the crook of my neck when there's a storm at night or the way he fondles my fingers just as he is drifting to sleep. I thought about everything, all his little things and that just made me cry even more because I couldn't believe I had just lost my best friend and lover. It even hurt more because mama Oakley had just given me some bad news and then he just decides "oh hey, here's some more shit to add to your pile." 

Initially I tried to find reasons as to why he might  have felt the need to break our relationship up with no explanation but I couldn't find any reasonable ones. When I finally got my shit together I went into the front room where my mother was sitting and I told her what had happened and I remember the look on her face which I couldn't understand at the time as she said "Don't worry Ty, you'll get over that little boy soon." I wanted to scream at her and explain to her how Troye wasn't just a little boy but I was too upset so I just gave her a kiss on her cheek  and went upstairs to bed. That night I couldn't sleep because thoughts of Troye Sivan and memories we had shared together crowded my mind and I couldn't get away from them. When I finally went to sleep I wished I didn't because I had nightmares of what my life would feel like without the beautiful presence of Troye and that broke me. I screamed and immediately dialed his number, it rand and rang but he didn't pick up the phone. After trying for about 20 minutes and always getting the vexatious sound of his answering machine I got so frustrated to the point where my beloved phone ended up being thrown against the wall. 

Those days without were pretty much hell and I was constantly tortured with thoughts of him without having the privilege to speak to him. All I wanted to do was hold him and apologize for whatever I had done that made him break us up but I didn't have the ability to do that since he wasn't answering my phone calls. I became really secluded and disconnected from people, I wasn't on Tumblr or Twitter and I spoke to no one with the exception of Zoella and Connor. I called Zoe and explained to her the whole ordeal and she was honestly just as confused as I was and she got me to think if there was anything I could have said or done that might have triggered that sort of response from him but I literally couldn't think of anything because he seemed perfectly happy prior to the whole situation. And I would have known if he was pissed off because when he's pissed at me for any reason whatsoever he just ignores me and doesn't say anything but he was talking to me just fine before he decided to break up with me. 

Then the day he finally called me, I had to pinch myself before I answered the phone just to make sure it wasn't another one of those dreams that had been taunting me since the day we partially broke up. When I finally picked up, I stayed quiet and he was quiet as well but I could hear him breathing which confirmed that he was still on the line and hadn't hung up the phone or had just accidentally called me. We were both silent for a while and then when he finally said "hi" I felt myself slightly choking up because it had been ages since I heard his voice and he didn't sound happy or content which just made me debate why he had broken us off in the first place because if it was what he wanted then he would have sounded more pleased about it but he didn't. He asked me to come over and to say I was elated would be putting it lightly so I speedily got dressed and zoomed off to his house. 

Upon getting there and parking my car I suddenly was hit by a wave of nerves. After about 5 minutes of just sitting in my car and trying to calm myself down I finally got out of the car and walked to the front door of his house. I apprehensively knocked on the door and I was delighted when I saw that it was his mum who came to open it, as the door swung open she pulled me into an embrace and said "I have faith in you guys." which made me smile. The smile disappeared and the nervousness took over as I made my way upstairs to his room. 

[a/n I'm not gonna go into detail as to the events that took place in the room because you already got that from Troye's pov and I think it gets a bit boring if you have to experience the exact same thing in two points of views. Tell em what you think?]

He explained everything to me and shock is definitely an understatement to what I felt as he told me but I knew he definitely wasn't lying because he bites the inside of his cheeks when he lies and he wasn't doing that. I was extremely disappointed in my mum though because it was totally unexpected, I mean I know she didn't like the idea of me and Troye dating initially because she thought he was too young for me but I assumed she got over that. After a brief but essential make out session I left his house filled with so much happiness because I got my baby back and I felt like I had no problems whatsoever except the fact that I had to go confront my mother.