To Infinity and beyond. [A Troyler story]

Do the right thing.

After the phone call with Zoe ended I sat down for  along while just thinking of what I could do. There were only two options to be quiet honest, one was to call Tilly and explain everything to him whilst the other option was just to pretend nothing happened and just not explain anything to him since that's what Mama Oakley wants. In both cases there was going to be feelings hurt, in one case it would be mine and Tilly's feelings being hurt because we'd be jeopardizing our happiness together just because I decided to follow his mothers orders and in the second case it would be Mama Oakley's feelings that would be hurt because I wouldn't obey what could be her last wish from me. The thought of me being a reason for her turning out unhappy or even more stressed really bothers me, I mean she already has to deal with the news of the diagnosis and I should really be able to grant her the one wish she asked for.

At the end of the day I came to the decision that I was going to call Tyler in the morning, possibly meet up with him and then explained what the whole situation is just because I really didn't want him to feel like any of the things that happened was his fault whatsoever. And just like Zoella said I'd honestly rather it was just one of us that was sad than having to intentionally put both of us in really hard and emotional situations by failing to explain to Tilly what had happened.

I didn't get any sleep that night because I just couldn't help but think of a million and one different scenarios that could happen when I called Tyler. There was this fear inside of me that he wouldn't want to talk to me or that he wouldn't pick up his phone or that he would have moved on or just anything along those lines. Those thoughts made me physically cringe as I dialled his number, it rang twice and he didn't pick up so I left a message that said "Hi, good morning. Can you please call me whenever you're free. I need to tell you something important." I hung up and then mentally kicked myself in the head numerous times for making the message sound so formal. I mean Troye seriously, you and this person have had heart to heart moments and you decide to leave him one of the most formal voice messages ever. Good job!

After about 15minutes and Tilly still hadn't called back I started to panic because I feared that something was wrong with him or mama Oakley and then the thought occurred to me that maybe he was just ignoring me so I called Zoella and explained to her what had happened and she said she was going to call him just to see. Talking to Zoella brought this sense of relief, she's like a beautiful big sister that you could always rely on and someone that just would always be there when you need some help. About 5 minutes later she called me back to say that Tyler didn't pick up her phone which in one way clarified that he definitely wasn't ignoring me but then it also made me very worried and panicked. I went on his twitter and Tumblr to check for any recent activity but his most recent post was three days ago which meant he hadn't been on Tumblr for a long time and that was definitely a first for Tyler.

I felt like I was getting really anxious so I decided to take a walk with Sage (my biological sister) when she got back to school. To distract me from my overloaded thoughts of Tyler she talked to me about the happenings in her school and her boyfriend and you know all that good stuff a typical teenage girl would talk about. It actually helped and by the time we got home I went straight into the shower and then went downstairs for dinner. Conversation at the table was really awkward because on a normal day my dad would be on a roll and just continuously talk about how Tilly would make a good son-in-law and all that good stuff but now he couldn't because he didn't want to upset me. Weirdly I felt sorry for dad because it felt as though I had taken something so precious away from me and that made me cone into the realization that if me and Tilly never got back together there will be more than just two people that are going to feel the pain. I for sure know that Sage, Tyde, Steele, mum and dad would definitely be hurt if they didn't see me and Tyler together anymore. That realization hit me so hard in the face that it really hurt, I left the dinner table to go upstairs to my bedroom just as the house phone rang so I went over to answer it. As soon as I picked it up and heard the person say "Hello" I knew who it was and then suddenly my lungs decided to stop functioning so I ended up choking on absolutely nothing. After I managed to learn how to breathe again I said "Hi" and then he explained that he tried to call me earlier and just as I was about to tell him straight off that he was lying I realized that I had turned my phone off earlier and once again I mentally slapped myself in the head for being such a dumb piece of shit. We talked and then decided it would be best if he came over to mine and he agreed to. Once he got off the phone I started getting butterflies in my stomach which reminded me of the first time that I ever saw him.