The Porcelain Afterlife of Momoko Hara

Controller

If you were to look at my life from a glance, layout each moment flat on a table, some might say this was the moment when I lost all control. When my life no longer belonged to me, but that wouldn't be true.

The truth was I had already lost control. This was just the reaction.

I walked through the large door of the auditorium exit. My hand still cold from Mr. Kim's touch and shivering under Jaehyun's leather coat.

What could make a living person feel that cold?

It didn't matter right now. I needed to get to the bus stop. Jisoo would be nice enough to wait for a bit but I couldn't keep her in the cold forever.

The path to the bus stop was a long winding road where snow covered grass lined each side and the yellow light of the street lamps colored the ground. The dark purple sky was calm and clouded. On my right, the main road was empty except for a few cars, and gray buildings with lighted windows.

My ill fitted shoes shuffled through the snow as the sound of a motor sounded in the distance from the empty road. Was it the van again? Maybe to take us home instead?

I looked towards the sound and I stopped under the dark side of the street lamp. There on the road, racing past the buildings was a familiar red motorcycle.

I knew it was Jaehyun. I recognized the delivery basket on the back of the motorcycle and his white slip on shoes.

But who was that on the back seat?

She was thinner and much taller than me. Her face covered by the helmet once given to me, and her arms wrapped around his waist just like mine once were.

I went numb all at once as I watched them. Rewinding each moment long after it had passed just to make sure what I was seeing was real. It was everything I had feared. Everything I had been warned would happen if I didn't do more to change.

But there had to be more time.
There just had to be.

I turned back, and pushed my way through the auditoriums main door, into the trainee hall, and back up the dimly lit stairs, until a fire lit under my legs.

At the top floor and down a dark hall was her office.

I put my shaking hand to the black door with silver letters that read, "Sang Haru".

The door creaked as I opened it slow, tears still burning down my cheeks.

Haru was behind at her desk, just as she had been that afternoon. A white cup of tea under her chin and a thick red book in her hand.

Haru placed the book down on her desk and looked up at me from the a pair of glasses dangling on her nose.

"Are you finally ready, Min?" Haru said with a crooked smile.

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I didn't go home that night. Not like I was supposed. 

I didn't know if Jisoo had got on the bus without me or if she made it home or not. I felt guilty. I wasn't as good of a friend as she was, and I definitely wasn't a good grand daughter either. I had let everyone down including myself.

I slept in the back of a black van. Haru said we were going to the SYM surgical department at the headquarters. With each bump in the road my heat sank at the memory of that girl on Jaehyun's bike and who she could be.

I didn't have time to find out. Haru said we needed to do the procure immediately. That I would need time to recover and it couldn't wait too soon before my debut.

I hadn't thought about the recovery time. How painful would this be? It seemed I couldn't think anything clearly these days.

And so I waited in the hospital room of the headquarters.

I hadn't gotten a clear look at the headquarters from the outside but it was a sharp white building with glass windows tiled together along the front. It stood tall in the horizon far from the city in the middle of an open snow covered field. 

The hospital room reminded me of the ones I had seen on TV. It was painted all white with steel appliances and beeping machines around a flat white table. Above large round lights beamed down onto the table where I laid and waited. I watched the monitors tucked in the corners.

The grainy surveillance monitors displayed a view of my body from above as I laid flat on the bed. I watched the screens until I drifted back into deep sleep.

When I woke the doors of the hospital room swung open and a group of doctors wearing blue masks and gowns rushed in as they adjusted their hats and gloves.

Haru stood in the corner wearing a gray pantsuit. Her round eyes observed the entire room like she was a conductor and the doctors were her orchestra. I wasn't sure if it was also customary for the CEO to be present for my surgery but I didn't question it any further. I didn't even ask what they were going to do to me.

I just wanted it done.

The doctors lifted a thin paper blanket over my body and began cutting at my clothes. I lifted my neck and tried to cover myself but the doctors forced my arms back down.

The round white light above shifted to the center my vision. It stunned me, making me unable to move as white doors on each side of the table began to rise and enclose me. I tried to move but the bright light left me stunned on my back.

The firm table lowered into a warm pool of water that smelt like rusted coins. I was floating in the capsule with no way of seeing what was outside the doors.

After a click from within the doors, the bright white light of the capsule flashed into a dark blood red and the warm water around me heated to a rapid boil. My skin was burning from the outside in.

I tried to scream. I tried to move. To do anything but I had no control. I was slipping under the water. Losing the light of consciousness with each breathless moment.

Something was very wrong with me,
and I couldn't find my way out.