Masonic Camp

Tired Of It

Everything is getting to the point where, I can't stand it anymore. I can't manage. On the 4th of July there was so much shit, that I pretty much went between ten different people. I know that Stefan told me that he can't be mad at me for it, but, I feel like I'm letting him down. I'm giving into the temptation that is calling my name. Him and I can talk about anything. I've told him that I'm so close to doing it. He told me that he understands it. If it helps, it helps. He told me that him being mad at me for self harm is like him being mad at me for Advil. I understand where he's coming from, but at the same time I feel like I'm letting him down, I feel like I'm hurting him but giving in. Doing the damage... But I can't handle the stress, I can't handle the drama, I can't handle the tears, the threats, the unnecessary shit. I can't handle people putting their life on the line, and continuously telling me that they're just done. That they're though with all of the pain, all of the loss.. All of the betrayal. So am I, I am tired of just sitting back and watching something happen. I am so tired of feeling powerless, feeling like I could do something. I'm tired of knowing that nothing's ever going to be the same between several different people. I'm tired of everything. Pain. Love. Loss. Use. Heartbreak. Desires. Jealousy. Drama. Wheelbarrows, even...I'm sick of all of it.