44 - Megan

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It didn't surprise Megan when her mother admitted that Peter came to see the twins. Eventually they'd have to figure how it would work, but she was too angry. She would let her mother take them to see their father on Saturday mornings.

She would get by one day at a time. One morning she woke to find him clearing the walk. He had cleared the snow off her car and shoveled her driveway. As she watched him, he looked tired, and his face was thinner. He looked sad, and she felt glad. He deserved it. She watched as he gave the house one long look before he drove away.

There was so much she hadn't thought about. Removing snow after a storm was minor, she wondered if she could keep her house. Would she have to move off The Point or worse in with her parents? If she stayed, what would she do about repairs and lawn mowing? There were so many things that Peter did. She would have to do on her own.

She had been taking advantage of her parents, by stopping in with the twins a few nights a week on her way home. She would ignore their persuasion to just talk to him, in exchange for a free meal. Not that she ate much, but her milk supply changed when she refused to eat. She was eating for Nick and Sophie.

She ran out of ways to say, no. No, she wouldn't talk to him. No, she didn't want to hear his excuses. No, she would not give him another chance to hurt her. No, she didn't care if it devastated him.

"Do you care that I am devastated? I was the one who was betrayed." She raised her voice, then lowered as she startled the babies.

Her mother invited her for lasagna, one of her favorite meals, on Saturday. It was an ambush, because Peter was there.

She walked in and saw him. "I'm leaving."

Peter pleaded. "No, you stay. I'll go, but just give me a minute. That's all I ask."

"I gave you half the night pacing the floor. Only to find out you were screwing her. If you don't leave now, I will." She didn't bother to lower her voice and by the time she was through both babies were crying.

She watched as his eyes darted from baby to baby and with a look of defeat left. She wanted to turn to her parents and give them an earful, but her babies needed her.

Her mother said, "Part of being an adult is doing things you don't want to do. He is your husband and your children's father. He won't just go away. He shouldn't either."

"If you want me to stay, then don't talk about him. Otherwise we're leaving."

Her parents heeded her warning, but the conversation was strained and forced. Megan felt sick after seeing him. She forced down a few bites of lasagna, but mostly just pushed the food around on her plate.

Her mother had recently purchased two high chairs, so the twins sat eating Cheerios and other finger foods. Her father asked her questions about school, but her answers were short with little elaboration. As soon as dinner was over she back to the security of her little house.

The next week at school, she talked to Karen about her concerns regarding keeping the house and other financial matters. Karen suggested she speak to one of the office secretary who had recently been through a divorce. One minute she was asking for advice and the next she had an appointment with a lawyer. Megan didn't know if she could afford a lawyer, but she went anyway.

She took a personal day the day of her appointment. She did not understand what to expect and couldn't imagine. Candace Ritter was a petite, well-dressed woman. She looked to be about fifty. For such a small woman, her handshake was strong. It didn't take Megan long to recognize that Candace hated men which was fine, because in her current state Megan did too.

Megan immediately expressed concerns about payment. Candace waived her hand. "Not to worry, we'll be passing my fees on to the ex."

Megan had just recently figured out that Peter was working. No one told her, but Sarah at daycare mentioned him sitting on the floor in his good clothes.

Megan who again tried to act natural. She thought maybe he had another interview. "Was he in his suit again?"

"No, just his everyday work clothes."

Peter's everyday clothes for as long as she knew him were jeans, shorts or sports pants with a tee shirt. He never dressed unless he needed to.

Candace asked, "What's your goal? Do you hope to reconcile? Have you made any attempts to reconcile?"

"Reconcile. I can't be in the same room as him. He texts me constantly and ambushed me at my parents' house."

"So the question is, are you looking for a legal separation or a divorce?"

That picture came to mind, and she felt her stomach tighten. "Divorce. I want a divorce."

"Alright then we can move on this pretty quickly."

She bombarded Megan with questions which she answered. She explained that she hadn't been married long enough to be legally entitled to certain benefits, but she'd negotiate on her behalf.

Last she asked about the kids. Megan told her about the twins and that he would want to see them. Candace responded that all men say that, but prefer their freedom.

Megan said, "You haven't met Peter. He won't give them up."

"Well, we know his weakness. We'll use them to bleed him dry."

Megan liked the way she talked. No one she knew talked that way, because they liked Peter. Candace hated him as much as Megan. It gave her an odd sense of comfort that she would take care of her.

She asked Megan if he had ever cheated before and initially her response was no, but then she remembered. Back in college, there was a girl who worked in the lab with him. Megan only met her once, but she acted strange. Megan assumed she was jealous because in her mind who wouldn't like Peter. Maybe she missed the signs after all she was away at school. When she teased him about it, he got very defensive and acted hurt that she would even assume. Maybe, he was acting all along.

So after thinking for a moment, she said, "I think so, in college."

Once she spoke the words, she believed them. Just as she believed that she was not pretty and fat and undesirable. Everything to Megan was the truth, especially his reconnection with Harmony under the sheets. She remembered them making out all over school. She and Peter were just friends, but she was jealous of Harmony. When they became a couple and fell in love and started having sex, she wondered if he was thinking of his first and if she was better at pleasing him than Megan.

So she planted the seed in her brain which gave the green light to go full speed ahead with the divorce. She didn't feel relief, but more a sense of moving on beyond the limbo.

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