The Girl in the mirror

The dead-eyed girl in the mirror.

Stupid. Worthless. Monster...you'll never be loved you should have been the one to die" the voices hissed in the little girls head, as she stared blank-eyed at the mirror, her own reflection staring back at her, but it was different, the eyes were lifeless, the skin pale like that of a dead corpse, and there was a smile on her face, Oh, how the little girl wished she could smile, a true smile full of light and happiness. She reached two shaking hands, covered in blood and bruises, up and pushed the skin near her cracked and bloody lips up until it looked like she was smiling.

She understood why they hated her, she hated her too. The tears rolled down her face, she should have been the one to die... not her mum, not her amazing mum who had meant so much to so many people. Meanwhile, all she meant, all she was, was a painful and unwanted reminder that that selfless woman was never coming back. That perfect amazing woman had given up her life, to let her daughter live. No matter how much her husband had pleaded with her to forget the child, she had refused and as the little girl had taken her first breath that wonderful women had taken her last. As the lines on the heart monitor died the girl's father and older brother John's happiness did too and was replaced with anger, bitterness and resentment that would never fade and forever scar the crying little baby both with visible wounds and unseen ones.

She had killed that women, she had killed her own mother, she deserved every insult, ever night without food in her stomach, every fist, every bruise. She deserved it all. That's why she had remained silent that morning, internalising her own pain and grief because that was the safest place to hide it when her brother had pushed her up against the roughly patched up wall from where fists of anger that had missed their mark of soft youthful skin and punctured the plaster instead. He screamed at her, "You killed her you little bitch! You killed her! You should have died instead of her! I could have dealt with sharing her with you, but you took her wholly away from me!" He'd hammered the wall weakly with one fist, the other gripping her bony fore arm and shaking her violently. "You took her away from me!"

The little girl couldn't tell if the tears that ran down his face where of anger or pain. "She chose you. YOU over me, she chose to let you live and left me without a mother," he glared at her shoving her into the floor causing the little girl to cry out in pain as she rammed her head against the coffee table. "If only she could see the mistake you've become," he hissed, grabbing a bottle of beer as he stormed upstairs to join his father, already unconscious due to another painkiller overdoes. Hadn't he learnt already? Painkillers could do nothing to ease the pain inside. The girl got up and ran, as fast as possible to Ms Bramwell's school, running past the principal's office just as invisible as always when she needed the most to be noticed, and into the bathrooms, wishing she could die.

The girl's phone glowed but it was unable to penetrate the shadowed force field of self-hate and misery that was slowly crushing down on her, drowning out all hope, asphyxiating her mind and her heart. A single 'bing' rung in the silence, she tore her gaze away from the cracked mirror to the phone, finally hearing it. She lowered her hands and picked up her phone, pressing the on button. A row of texts greeted her 'Lil, r u ok? I'm really worried. U haven't returned my calls or my texts.... Lilian I can't help you if you don't let me in. ' Lillian kept scrolling through the texts, tears pouring rapidly from her eyes. She slid down the wall to the cold ground holding the phone close to her chest. Ethan, he kept her going, he was the girl's best friend, the reason why she kept living this hell of a life. She finally dragged herself up off the ground, and with a final glance back at the smiling girl in the mirror quickly fled the bathroom.

Ethan saw her emerge from the bathrooms and sighed in relief as he ran over. "Lil, why didn't you answer your phone?" he asked her, his expression turning suddenly worried.

"What's wrong? "she asked him.

He shook his head, "Nothing, I was just worried about you. Are you sure you're, all right?"

Lillian went to assure him that she was okay. Instead, she said quietly "I'm not okay..." the tears started cascading down her face again "I'm not okay..." And so, she told him everything, what she saw in the bathroom every day, what she suffered through at home. The look on his face made her think I was describing a horror story, but she was only explaining her life.

Ethan had always been there for her even when he hadn't understood, when he'd been blind to the horrors Lillian had had to endure at home, just as much now that he knew the truth. He slipped the girl's backpack off her shoulders slinging it over one shoulder and took her hand in his. "Come on Lil, let's go to my house. Our house now," he said gently as they walked out of the school grounds. Lilian paused to look at her reflection in a puddle of water a set of bright life filled eyes and a hopeful smile looked back at her, for once a true reflection of her face. They lay in bed now at Ethan's house the sky dark and bleak looking but with the hope of a beautiful dawn.

"Goodnight Lil..." Ethan whispered quietly, turning off the light. He didn't get a reply and looked over worried. Lil was already asleep curled under God only knows how many layers of blankets, dressed in a pair of his old pj's. He smiled at her and closed his eyes. White light flashed against his closed eyelids and a quiet 'bing' went off. Lil's phone was flashing on the other side of the room. She was still asleep, so he padded over to where it was and picked up the phone. He noticed the name John next to the text, the name not registering as he opened the full message. 'You little piece of useless scum! If you don't come home right now you little bastard, I'll come to Ethan's place! I know you're there with your little "friend!" He doesn't care about you! The only person who ever loved you was your mother and that got her killed."

The boy stared at the phone, tears sliding down his face. How...how did she deal with this...How... he looked over at Lil's sleeping form shadows darkening her eyes a sad, hard expression on her face. He clenched the phone in my fist anger coursing through him, red hot and burning "I promise you, Lily, I won't be a bystander any longer, I'm not going to allow you to suffer any longer, I promise you, Lilly. I won't let him or your brothers or anyone hurt you ever again!" he powered off the phone watching the screen fade to black, before placing it gently on the desk where he'd found it. 'I won't let them hurt you Lil' he vowed quietly looking at his friend, he could have sworn he saw her smile slightly in her sleep, a true happy smile. And he couldn't help smiling too. She was safe now.