Numb: The Genesis

X. Ready

My stomach grumbled. A plate with hardtack sat upon my desk, untouched. Food was scarce and had to be rationed. We weren't expecting to be out fighting in the sea for seventy-nine days.

"Admiral Westergård?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Gunne?"

"The food supplies were divided. Three sailors will have to go hungry for the night so that we can hold up enough food until a supply barge comes to replenish us."

"Make it two sailors." I pushed my plate towards Lieutenant Gunne.

"B-but Admiral We-"

"Only two sailors will go hungry tonight."

The lieutenant cleared his throat and answered, "Yes, sir. Only two. But if should we engage in battle at dawn, you will be famished."

"I am aware of that, Lieutenant. You may go back to your quarters and deliver the hardtack to whoever needs it most. Thank you."

He swiftly left with the plate in hand. I steepled my fingers as I thought deeply.

Our first battle. The rain. The blood. The shrieks. The wounds. I couldn't get the images out of my mind, especially Hans the helmsman.

He was one of many who lost their lives that time. I stood by his corpse as I steered the helm to stabilize the ship and gave orders to the men in battle. The man I just had a conversation with the other night couldn't speak anymore.

At once, I had the gut feeling of responsibility. I was responsible for their deaths, and I couldn't stop placing the blame on myself. I kept telling myself 'if' this and 'if' that, hoping-just hoping-that everything could have been better that dark day.

Lieutenant Gunne flung the door open. His eyes were bloodshot and his breathing was unsteady.

"Admiral! The enemy has reached our bounds!"

I stood up. I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my navy coat and handled the scabbard of my sword. I rushed down the ship's corridors with Lieutenant Gunne behind me.

"We've already lost too many men, Admiral! And we're much too fatigued. How are we to fight now?"

I stopped in my path, in front of the entry to the deck. I turned around and looked at him dead in the eyes.

"We fight with the little we have. And who knows? Our little may just be enough to last the evening. Assemble the crew."

"B-but Admiral!"

"What could you possibly be hesitant about?"

Lieutenant Gunne was in panic, "We're not ready!"

I opened the entry door, looking back at him as I unsheathed my sword, "I am."