you my one

Trapped

it's been 2 months since the miscarriage, I've been going to therapy trying to get happy again, I've been so depressed I just can't get out of it. I haven't even talked to my fans in months, if I'm not in therapy I'm in the studio working on my album. I have to stay busy. Mac is doing horrible, worse than me almost, he gives me no attention. We haven't had sex in months, if he's not working he's shitfaced drunk being aggressive towards me. it's been like this for 2months straight and I don't know how much more of this I can take. Christmas was horrible, we were both depressed, nonna was sick she's now better thank god, Frankie is dealing with his own problems, I just feel like I mentally can not take anymore. Therapy is helping but not as much as it needs to be.

I'm driving home from the studio, it's 3pm, I'm in the Starbucks drive thru line getting my usual.

To: My baby 💕😍
hey baby I'm omw home do you want anything from Starbucks?

From: My baby 💕😍
no

To: My baby 💕😍
okay i love you♥️
read

I just sigh, I've been fighting for our relationship I've been the only who has, i love him and I don't wanna be with no one else so I will continue to fight, but if he doesn't wanna be foughten for im not gonna keep waisting my time because I'm not even happy. I then get home to his shit all over my house, "Malcom!!!!!" I yell, "what!!" He snaps, "what the fuck is your shit doing all over my damn house?!!" I yell back.

"I'm leaving for work, so I'm packing" he gives me a dirty look, "I can't even get an i love you back" I say throwing my phone on the table pissed off, "ariana I'm playing your petty shit today" "you know what, don't come back here, were fucking done" i say. "Oh my god, good I'm good with that" he says rudely. Him not even showing a bit of emotion when I say we're done kills me, just because I love him so much and he doesn't even give a fuck about me and I don't even know why. I immediately start crying, " I don't know why your so fucking mean to me!!!! I was nothing but good to you this entire fucking time!!!!. I get it the baby died but that was my baby too!!!! I lost the baby too!!! You said we were gonna go thru it together, you fucking left me!!!. What kind of man are you!!!?? Huh??this shit was supposed to make us stronger together not tear us apart!!You fucking left me to go thru this shit alone! You left me when I needed you!!" I sobbed.

"Okay okay okay" mac said gently, "no it's not fucking okay!!! I love you so much and you don't love me no more and I won't know why, you said this isn't my fault yet you put me thru living hell after I lost my baby" I sobbed some more, "baby im so sorry, I know my drinking is out of control, after I got home from work my mom found a rehabilitation center for me to go to, I'm getting help. I'm getting better for us. When I started drinking and getting on my beige I had anger towards you, and I feel guilty that's why I've been so mean. But I love you, I've always loved you and I always will. I've been a dick and I'm so sorry. If you wanna leave me I understand I'll get my shit & get out, but please forgive me for what I put you through. It's been hell for me too, i just wanted to be there for you but I couldn't, I feel like you failed you and I'm so sorry baby, I just can't lose you I love you more then anyone and I just can't do it" mac sobbed to the floor, covering his face in his hands. I got down on the floor and slipped myself in his arms and held him as tight as I could. "I love you baby, I won't ever leave you" I whispered in his ear, as he held me as well. I grabbed his face & kissed him repeatedly, this is the first time we kissed in months, "I missed you" I said before kissing him again. "I love you" mac said, "I love you too" I said kissing his neck. "Baby come with me, we need this break, then for New Years we'll go to Colorado with your family" "okay I'll come, let me go get ready" I said kissing him one last time, before I went upstairs to shower and get all my things together to be leaving for 2 weeks.