I spent approximately ten minutes scrubbing ketchup up from the tiles, ten seconds shoving a ruptured ketchup bottle into the bin, five minutes watching East Enders (which I hate but someone was being violently stabbed so I couldn't not watch,) and twenty minutes pacing around the house panicking that I had tempted fate and Jessa had died a horrible death in a horrific car crash of which I inflicted.
Which is why, when she pranced through the door, belting out a rendition of Mamma Mia, I launched myself into her arms, muttering inaudible nonsense. She just gingerly rubbed my back, and said.
"Darling I missed you too, but I was away for a mere forty minutes, and therefore you, my little Elsie, are being a drama queen," Jessa announced. She always talks like this. She has aspirations to become the nuttiest, most eccentric, most fabulous lawyer in Britain. She 'd be fun at a murder case. ("So your son has been tragically murdered? I think that my first port of call here is to liven up the atmosphere. Because seriously people, you could cut the tension here with a knife. Actually, a light saber might be more efficient in these circumstances. Come on guys, CELABRATION TIME C'MON!)
"Objection your honour," I sobbed, "I thought you were dead."
"Well clearly I'm not," she said firmly, prising me off her one finger at a time.
It was then that I noticed that she was empty handed.
"Where's the ketchup?"
"Ah, well, you see," I really didn't like that story starter, "Remember the electronic fan, mango chutney incident?" I did, "Well, it turns out they were serious about me being banned. So," She produced a handful of red sachets from her hoodie pocket, "I ended up raiding Maccy D's."
"Great," I sighed, "Now you're banned from there too."
"No actually, I wasn't caught," she replied smugly.
"So, we're living off warm packets of tomato ketchup for tonight?"
"Works for me," Kyle yelled from the top of the stairs.
"Works for him," Jessa said, waving an arm in his vague direction.
"Alright, alright, shut up and get squirting," I huffed, sliding a pink plastic bowl across the kitchen island towards her.
"Sir yes sir," She shouted, stomping her foot and saluting.
I shook my head, and headed upstairs to raid my parent's DVD collection.
A/N: I'm on a cycle of dedications, my awesome four followers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Teen FictionThe little green men have been going about it all wrong. That's why the human mind is way more equipped for world domination than they. We, as humans know the ins and outs of our own culture. Our follies and pitfalls. Such as, a little known game w...
