The Subscription (Johnlock)

August

The speeches were over, the wedding cake sliced, and the first dance done. John looked around the room as he sipped his wine. He really should have brought a date to this. It would have made everything a little easier.

Mike was off dancing with his wife, the only people he knew well beside the groom, an old friend from their med school days.

"So, you live in London?" An older woman to his right asked, trying to start a conversation.

John nodded, giving her a stiff grin. He really wasn't in the mood for polite chitchat.

She leaned towards him. "Isn't it rather expensive? Even a tiny flat-"

"Yes. I just have a bedsit. I'm on my own so I don't need much." John cut her off. "Excuse me." He nodded her way as he got up, and gave Mike a small goodbye wave before he slipped out of the room. It was a little early to leave, but he'd had enough.

It was lightly drizzling, but John didn't have far to walk to get to his inn. It was too early to head up to his room, so he went to the pub. Perhaps he was a little overdressed in his suit, but he would manage.

The pub was a welcoming space with light coloured stone walls. He took an armchair near the hearth, ordering a whiskey when the server came by. It was comforting, staring into the crackling fire and sipping his drink.

Sometimes, it was good to get away. This weekend was only a few hours from London, but felt so different. A quiet medieval village, surrounded by rolling hills full of sheep. It was like stepping back in time. He could feel his inner tension and stress unwinding.

Being at a wedding on his own made him consider things though. A man his age marrying for the first time. Being around Mike, and his wife for a decade. And John, still alone.

At times like this, he missed his army friends so much. One friend, Andy, had always been there for John, letting him talk about the women he dated, his relationship problems. What would he have thought about Sherlock? John chuckled to himself at the idea of discussing the strange situation.

How could he even describe Sherlock to someone else? Gorgeous, for sure. Intensely sexual. Obviously smart, from the way he kept tracking John down, but must also be in his other work. At times funny, flirty or teasing. John could also sense he was a loner, who liked following his own schedule, his own interests. Not a man who worried much about conforming to societal noms. Who else would become a part time whore just for no-strings sex?

John just shook his head, clearing his mind. As much as he enjoyed his time with Sherlock, there was no potential for more than casual, mind-blowing sex with him. Five more times, and the man would apparently disappear from his life.

Strange to think of never seeing him again, when the man had been so often on his mind. He seemed to haunt John as he went through his day, memories popping up when he was on the tube, at work, or getting groceries. Whenever he was out, part of his attention was always on watch for the man. After all these months, it had almost become second nature to him.

Sipping his whiskey, John realized being out of London was a good opportunity for a reality check. To see his life from a different perspective, away from work and Sherlock. Seeing now how much he had been caught up in him. He wanted to be like Mike and his newly married friend, in a healthy, stable long-term relationship. Sherlock could never give him that.

Perhaps the subscription had been just the gift he had needed. Get him feeling alive, confident enough to date and put himself 'out there' again. A reminder how exciting it was to meet someone new and feel that chemistry, just wanting to get to know them better and see where it could go. He could always try dating a few people, test the waters, and if anything started to develop, call things off with Sherlock. It wouldn't be right to keep hooking up with him if he was getting intimate with someone else.