dream girl | ed - ON HOLD

envy

thalias pov

my mind is a whole mess. it's all over the damn place.

whatever is going on between Ethan and I is wrong, there's no doubt. I feel selfish because i know that I want ethan, but I also can't let kian go.

I'm torn between them both and I know that I can't have them both.

If I break up with Kian, I know things will never be the same. he's my bestfriend and my boyfriend, but if we breakup, neither of those things will be there.

i don't want to loose him over Ethan. no matter how much I trust Ethan, I can't seem to trust him right now. in this type of situation.

I feel like he won't be serious enough with me and I don't want to jump into anything knowing it won't go anywhere.

I don't just want to 'date' for the sake of it. it's a waste of time.

but right now, I guess I'm wasting kians time.

but I'm not letting Kian go. I've been with him for ages now, and he's been nothing but amazing.

maybe I'll just have to hang out with him more, making even take things to third base. It might help me realize that he really is the one.

as for Ethan, I'm just going to avoid him.

As much as I don't want to, I feel like I need to. I need to avoid him in order to get my head straight.

I need to avoid him, in order to stay faithful to kian.

God knows what I could do. as much as I hate admitting it, Ethan is a huge temptation.

>

"hi baby" i said as I skipped through the school hall, catching up to kian who was walking in front of me.

"hey beautiful" he said quickly pecking my lips.

Our school is a really strict school, even hugging wasn't allowed in front of the teachers. 

"wanna have a movie night at mine tonight" he offered.

"duh" I said excitedly, knowing I'd get to spend some more one on one time with my boyfriend.

"i just have to go home and pack my stuff for school tomorrow as well since I'm staying over" I spoke.

"you look hella cute today" he stopped in his tracks and stared me down- since he was quite taller then me.

"i love you" i chuckled but something didn't feel right.

do I?

do I really love him? or am I just lying to myself and him?

my next class was maths with Ethan and for the first time in forever, I was actually dreading it.

I don't want to talk to him right now.

Kian walked me to my class and I went and took a seat in a different spot to usual so I wouldn't have to sit next to Ethan.

i placed my bag down beside me and let out a soft sigh, all this ethan stuff was weighing on me.

>
ethans pov

as I walked in the class, my eyes immediately landed on her; thalia.

a light pink hoodie covered her silk brown hair, and a bit of her forehead as well. her elbow rested on the desk and her hand cupped her cheek as she held a pencil in her other hand. the pencil tapped against the desk quietly a few times.

she wasn't sitting in our usual spot today which I found extremely odd. I went to the back of the class where she was and took a seat next to her.

she didn't even lift her head to say a simple 'hi' to me.

what the fuck?

"hey" i mumbled, feeling weird with the vibes.

"hi" she mumbled back.

what is going on.

"are you algood?" I asked, pulling out my book from my Nike bag.

"just tired from the party" she muttered. but you could easily tell that she wasn't just tired.

"bullshit" i spoke a bit louder this time.

"please, please leave me alone Ethan" she practically begged. I watched as a single tear dropped down her beautiful face.

I could tell she hated this.

she's always been such a sweet person, and she hates causing hurt to anyone.

she probably feels guilty with all the shit I'm doing.

i was at a loss for words. how on earth do I respond to that.

"don't cry princess" i whispered not wanting anyone else to hear.

i moved my large hand to her face and gently wiped away the tear.

if she really wants me to stop, then I will.

no matter how bad I want her, I can't stand to see her sad. especially knowing I'm the reason that she's sad.

I'll stop.

for the rest of the class, we both didn't say a single word to each other.

Awkward would just be an understatement.

it's so fucken hard man. i just wanna hold her the way kian does. but she's not mine, so I can't.

I just wanna kiss her the way kian does. but she's not mine, so I can't.

I just wanna call her mine the way kian does, but she's not mine, so I can't.

i envy the dude.
and I've never envied someone in my entire life.
___

oooo so he envies him? will Ethan actually stop, or will he continue to get what he wants and break a relationship that's been going strong?

vote for the next chapter! Ily <33