[MAY 6, 2018]
I moaned loudly when my back harshly hit the hard, cold wall, his name is caged inside my throat. The rule, the damned rule. A desperate cry escaped my parted lips when I felt him pushed his hardened member inside my wet entrance.
Why am I even doing this? Why did I agree to his terms again?
Ah, because we're both fucking damaged who are in need of short salvage.
His lips sucked a sensitive part of my neck which made me dug my nails into his smooth and wide back. Making sure that I wouldn't scratch his arms and his shoulders, another fucking rule. Sex was fun, fucking hard was amazing.
But sometimes, these rules are too limiting I feel restrained.
He hooked his arm under my leg and pushed it higher, giving him more access to roughly thrust into me.
I squeezed my eyes shut, the feeling of his length inside me as it reaches the opening of my uterus at every penetration doubles. He's really hard, what happened to him?
He cursed under his breath and I couldn't even catch what he said, I was busy shivering in the cold and enjoying the heat that we were both sharing. His lips found mine, brushing it intensely. My other hand travelled upwards to his head, running my thin fingers through his soft, silky black hair. It is really difficult not to whisper his name but I'm trying my best not to, or else everything falls.
Like my life.
Or me.
The thin fabric of my panty slipped through my legs as I wore them, "That was nice." I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but what happened earlier was really better than we used to that I couldn't stop myself from stating the fact.
He nodded his head, "Yeah."
Even though he wasn't smiling, I know he enjoyed it. He was pretty loud tonight compared to our past meetings, he was groaning and growling like a wild, wild wolf that cannot be tamed even by the wolf whisperer. It's pretty safe to say that he's quite familiar for me now, I guess this kind of set up somehow works.
We're not fuck buddies. I'm definitely not a whore and he obviously doesn't need that since girls jump at him even if he doesn't want them to. We're not here for lust but for salvage.
We find relief and saving through sex.
Weird? Insane? Out of this world? Yes. Psychiatrists would lose their jobs if people found out that sex is good to release these pent up emotions as well.
He handed me my dress and helped me zipped it from behind before he sat on the bed, covering the lower part of his body with the red silk sheets. Thank goodness we didn't use the bed tonight, those sheets totally suck.
"It's her birthday today."
I paused from tying my own hair when those words came out. That was probably hard for him to admit. It's her birthday. I thought he forgot. No wonder he felt different today. Did he think of her when he was fucking me? It's okay him to use me though, since I used him as well. We're both in darkness anyway, why not fuck each other while being blind of the nonexistent light?
I walked back to him and opened my arms, "Do you want a hug?" He just stared at me with those blank eyes, I didn't wait for him to say something and wrapped my arms around his neck immediately. "You've worked hard." I caressed his back.
Sometimes he's just like a kid, but since I know why he's like this, that isn't the case for me.
I see a grown up man suffering from a loss of a one true love.
It didn't take a while before he began sobbing, releasing angry groans.
The world is really unfair to everyone. I'm not quite sure if I should be happy about that or be sad that there's someone else in this cave with me.
Death. Death must be the answer to everything since death is always the primary cause of all the sufferings.
Death of business.
Death of someone.
Death of friendship.
Death of future.
Death of hope.
Death of me.
Death of my own soul.
After making sure that he was alright, I went back to my pad and started my usual routines during this day. With my newly bunned hair and my new pajamas after a short shower, I sat in front of my TV and clicked play from the remote. I waited a few seconds before the video started playing, the CD is obviously getting old. I must transfer this to a new one and have a copy saved in my flashdrive and harddrive.
"Hi!"
Unnie still looks lively today, huh?
"How have you been?" Trying to survive, like always.
"I'm not sure if you heard about what happened to me but if this video gets sent to you, I must be gone by then. Remember what I told you? I have Leukemia and it's the reason why I had to leave everyone behind including you."
It's been years since you died, but why does it feel like you're still around? You shouldn't have left early, everyone misses you so bad. Just like I do.
"How's your school? Did you pass your exams? How's art class? Are you finally taking an art course? You should! I've always told you how great you are right?"
I wiped the lone tear that fell from my eye. Heol, I almost memorized this video for the past years but why am I still crying after watching her?
"Is life still hard on you right now?" I scoffed. Life is always hard to me, Unnie. I watch this every event related to you but I always answer the same. "I wish I could be there to comfort you..." Ne, you should really be here but you were stupid enough not to fight for your life for one last time.
"You should find my friend!" Her face brightened up, "When I felt down before and was bullied, this friend made me feel better. I'm sure he can make you smile too, he's a happy virus anyway."
"His name is Park Chanyeol, he's about to debut soon under SM Entertainment. He's tall and but I'm sure he's gotten taller now, he's good at rapping and singing. He can play a number of instruments."
He already debuted, he's a global superstar now. It would've been more wonderful if you were able to watch him succeed. He would've loved it more if you were beside him.
"Find him, okay?"
I found him. For you.
"He can really help you."
No, Unnie. He can't. You know why? Because we're both suffering. He's no longer the same happy virus you were talking about.
"Kwon Noeul, hwaiting!"
Park Chanyeol... he's like me now.
He also needs to be salvaged.
