I had ended up sat between Steve and Bucky again, it was a common occurrence when we all got together for movie night. Halfway through the movie i started to feel the cold from the AC, i wouldnt let Tony win this! I refused to go and change. Instead i cuddled up against Steve who was like a human furnace. He looked down at me and smiled before putting his arm around me and pulling me closer, It wasnt the first time we had snuggled.
"You okay over there sweetheart??" My brother asked "you want me to grab you a sweater?"
"No I'm good, Steve is nice and toasty" i smiled sweetly and i could see the irritation in his eyes and he clenched his jaw looking away from us, I could see Nat and Wanda sniggering in the corner at my answer. Next to me Bucky looked tense, he was really acting weird tonight. I reached over and took his hand giving it a gentle squeeze, he looked over at me questioningly "you okay?" I asked quietly rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. He just nodded and gave me a tight lip smile. He didn't try and pull his hand away so i left mine in his resting on his thigh as we watched the rest of the movie.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing i know I'm waking up in my bed snuggled under the covers. I could hear the nightmarish cries from Buckys room down the hall, Steve usually went in to calm him down but he didnt seem to have heard him yet so i climbed out of bed and quietly made my way to Buckys room and opened the door. As expected he was tangled in his bed sheets as he tossed and turned in his sleep, his hands gripping on to the sheets, eyes tightly scrunched shut. He was covered in sweat as his breathing was getting heavier and heavier. I knelt beside the bed and reached out to run my fingers down his face as i sshhh'd him, brushing his sweaty hair back from his face "you're okay Buck....you're safe. Come back to me, its just a nightmare" i whispered like i usually would when i came in to help him, Bucky never knew i came in to help him sometimes. He slowly started to calm down, his breathing evened out and his eyes relaxed, he let go of the sheets and turned to face me.... he actually looked peaceful. I smiled to myself and got up to leave hoping he would sleep soundly for the rest of the night.
"Y/N....?" i heard his rough voice say as my hand grabbed the door handle, my heart started racing instantly! Shit now id have to explain why i was in his room in the middle of the night.
"Yeah its me, go back to sleep Buck"
"I was having the nightmares again wasnt i?"
"Yeah you were" i nodded "goodnight"
"Y/N?...." he said again as i started to open the door to leave.
"Yeah Buck?"
"Would you stay?..... until i fall asleep again" he asked shocking me, he was showing a vulnerable side to me right now that id never seen before.
"Sure" i nodded closing the door and headed over towards the chair in the corner of his room but he pulled back the covers and waited for me to crawl into bed with him instead. I gave him a smile and got in next to him, he curled up against me resting his head on my stomach and wrapping his right arm around my waist. I combed my fingers gently through his hair to sooth him, something that apparently he was enjoying as he let out a contented sigh that instantly made me smile.
I woke up and i felt the heat of a body surrounding me, an arm wrapped around my waist....it took me a few seconds to remember where i was! I must have fallen asleep with Bucky.
"I know you're awake doll" he suddenly said from behind me his voice still husky from sleep "are you okay? Your heart is racing...."
"Im fine.... i just.... im sorry, i fell asleep. I didnt mean to stay all night" i said quickly trying to get up but Bucky just tightened his grip.
"Its fine i don't mind, its actually nice. Wait...did you think id be mad?" He suddenly asked sitting up to look at me.
"Maybe a little.... you only wanted me to stay til you fell asleep..."
"I don't mind. Not at all, i actually slept better than i have in..... well since before everything" he admitted looking slightly embarrassed by his confession.
I reached up and placed my hand against the side of his jaw and smiled "Bucky you know you can always come to me if you're struggling..... if you just need me to be there while you sleep you know where i am okay?"
Bucky looked surprised to hear me say this to him and was at a loss for words, a blush crept onto his cheeks as he nodded and gave me a nervous smile.
"I should go, we've got training soon. I'll see you later" i said leaning forward and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before making my way to his door.
"Y/N?" He said suddenly with a small voice that instantly had me turning to face him "yeah?"
"Last night wasn't the first time you've come in to help me through a nightmare is it" it wasn't a question, more like a statement, now it was my turn to blush.
"No Buck it wasn't the first time, you've never woken up and seen me in here though" i shrugged a shoulder.
"How long?"
"Huh?"
"How long have you been helping me?"
"Pretty much the entire time you've been here" i smiled and quickly left his room.
I couldn't stay any longer, what if he asked why i had been so willing to help him? The truth was i had been smitten with Bucky Barnes since the day i met him. But he had always been so distant with me..... he'd leave the room shortly after id walk in and id catch him looking at me like it pained him to be around me. It got better over time, he'd talk to me a bit more if we were alone but as soon as the group was together he'd distance himself again. The nightmares started his first night here and i would hear Steve go in and calm his friend down and leave moments later. Then one night i heard his screams and i waited to hear Steve come to help him but it remained silent... just Bucky's screams. So i had taken it upon myself to go in and try and calm the super soldier down. I couldn't bear the possibility of him suffering, reliving all those terrible things Hydra put him through. And it became habit, the nights i didn't hear Steve i would go and ease Bucky through his nightmares. If I'm being honest with myself, i enjoyed being alone with him for those few minutes and knowing that i was helping to ease some of his stress.
I was falling for Bucky Barnes more and more everyday but I couldn't admit my feelings for him, the rejection would break my heart. That was why i was adamant on going on these stupid online dates! I had to get my mind off of him, maybe i would find a guy who would keep my mind occupied long enough to get over Bucky.
