The Varactyl Squadron Commander (A Star Wars: The Clone Wars Fan-Fiction)

Chapter Thirty-Two

(TRIGGER WARNING: Molindi is depressed and suffers from PTSD as well as suicidal thoughts. This chapter is going to revolve around that a bit, so just a warning. If you aren't comfortable with that topic or would just like to skip it, scroll down to the *** and that's where the other part of the chapter starts.)

The waves were a silent whisper against the starry night sky, a constant echo, an inner promise to return. It was a motion of fact, that the blanket of water being pulled back would be pushed forward again. Back and forth...back and forth...

One after the other.

The jungle had gone mute for the first time in weeks as she sat there on the edge of the cliff, staring at the dark, foaming, churning water below. What once brought fear and despair had become a taunt, a dare, beckoning the starved, restless woman into their embrace. Back and forth...back and forth...

One after the other.

All she could see was the flowing sea below and the stars reflecting off its surface. All she could feel was the freezing stone that held her oh so high above the abyss, the only thing between her and oblivion as the wind began to blow and press against her. Her body began to sway. Back and forth...back and forth...

Just one step.

Just one.

And it would all be over.

She'd never have to witness another loved one fall victim to the planet's horrors. Never have to hear their screams of agony and suffering, where her only option was to hide in terror because there was nothing she could do to stop it. No more pain of hunger. No more tears of despair. No more nights laying awake, looking over where her men should be sleeping and seeing nothing but emptiness.

Her troops.

Sometimes she could still hear them.

Bits of conversations long passed, trails of laughter from a whole other life, words of comfort and courage in a war that wasn't important to her anymore. She dreaded it every time she caught wind of a voice, knowing that the small comfort it brought would inevitably be chased by the shrieks they'd made in their last moments of life, wrecking her soul like a metal club to her chest.

Her men.

She gasped in despair and covered her mouth with shaking hands, falling to her knees as the tears slid down her face in waves as relentless as the ones below. Her body convulsed with every muffled sob and she grit her teeth to stifle her cries of hopeless sorrow. No breath. Eyes shut. Left with nothing but her failure as she sat there in the dark, alone. Truly, completely, undoubtedly alone.

The pain in her chest made a blade to the heart feel like child's play. It was the feeling of having your soul physically ripped apart over and over and over, growing in unbearable agony with every second that passed by. It was the sensation of having your heart torn from your rib cage and crushed into dust before your very eyes on repeat. The kind of pain filled with clenched fists and silent screams because no sound in Heaven or Hell could ever express the excruciating grief laying waste to whatever sliver of humanity was left in her tortured husk of a living being.

Her boys...

Molindi crumpled into a ball of misery, hugging herself because it was the only thing she could do to keep herself from crying out in pure agony. Because if she tried hard enough, she could pretend it was the arms of the only family she'd ever truly had.

Her boys... oh god, her boys...

***

Rex scanned the bodies lying on the carpeted floor as their chests rose and fell with every breath his soldiers took. It'd been a couple hours since his men settled down for the night and the majority of Varactyl Squadron made their way back down to the foyer, looking much more cheerful and energetic than they had before returning to Molindi's side. He'd watched as she descended the staircase and did a quick visual check to make sure the woman was alright; the white gauze wrapped around her palms and the return of color to her face was enough to put himself at ease.

For a brief moment, the clone commander allowed himself to shift his gaze over to where Molindi was sleeping on the cushioned ground. She had one of the green blankets from the deluxe suite wrapped around her body like a cocoon, her hands and bare feet tucked inside the fabric for warmth while her men slept a foot or two away at either of her sides. Commander Rino's droid had powered down for the night as well; she remained closest to Molindi, sitting with her metal legs crossed as if she were in a deep meditation within inches of the commander's head. It reminded him of an old legend he'd heard once or twice about guardian angels who watched over their charges.

The only one not sleeping soundly in the gathering of Varactyl Squadron members was the soldier taking watch with Rex.

The clone commander had seen enough troopers in his day to know the difference between a run-of-the-mill soldier and a loner, and Axel was the spitting image of the latter. Quiet, preferring to be away from the group, rarely starting conversations with others unless spoken to, reluctant to form bonds with any of his brothers or expose anything more about himself than his number and nickname. Despite sharing the same face with every other man in the room, Axel was the obvious black sheep of the bunch.

Rex had initially planned on silently ripping the soldier a new one once everyone else drifted off, but as time went by and the last soldier finally fell asleep, he'd simmered down and his anger had subsided. Plus, after thinking about it long and hard, he figured that Commander Rino had done enough to freak the soldier into staying in line from now on. At least, that's what Rex would've done if his commanding officer threatened to cut off his parts if he didn't shape up.

So instead, he decided to make some small-talk in hopes of getting something positive out of this situation.

"So," Rex began in a hushed tone as the two sat across from each other, blasters in hand and eyes alert to their surroundings. Axel looked up, emerging from whatever thoughts he'd been thinking before, and gave the clone commander his full attention. Rex didn't know if he should've felt glad about that, or angry because the trooper was showing him the respect Axel hadn't shown Molindi earlier. Maybe the kid was finally coming to terms with the fact that being an ass gets you nowhere in life. "How long have you been in your squad?"

At first, Axel didn't say anything and his gaze fell to the floor.

"This is our second mission."

Rex couldn't say he was surprised, they seemed new enough. Yes, Commander Rino had an impressive track record, but there was a strong difference between an individual's career on the front lines and a squadron's career on the front lines. Making sure both worked in heavy situations was a challenge that Varactyl Squadron still needed to overcome.

A moment of silence passed before Rex started speaking again.

"Are the rumors true?" He wasn't the kind of person to gossip. But in all honesty, it wasn't gossip if he was trying to get the truth. The commander was just asking questions in hopes of getting to know the new people he'd be working with. Not that he had any interest in Commander Rino in particular, no, that would be unprofessional. Nope, just getting the cold hard facts. Axel raised an eyebrow and the clone commander continued. "The cannibals. Your commander. Are the stories true?"

For a moment more, Axel remained silent and his eyes shifted from the floor to Molindi's sleeping body a few yards away, still wrapped up in her blanket cocoon. He sighed and opened his mouth to answer, but didn't get the chance as someone suddenly pushed the front doors of the suite right open, exposing the entire group for who they really were.

They'd been caught before the mission had even truly begun.