"Anne, I'm going to kidnap you, lock you in my basement, and lick your kneecaps" Gilbert said, as Marilla, Bash, Matthew, and Anne sat down for Christmas dinner"
"What the fuck Gilbert? You're not my daddy, you're not special enough to do that." Anne said indignantly.
"Look mushroom head, just because you're wig looks like a fucking barbie head dropped down a garbage disposal doesn't mean papi Gilberto can't love you".
"Papi gilberto, Nate is gone, and I need a man so I'll let you lick my knee caps" said Marilla.
Matthew's weave flew so far, and he just sat there with his bald-ass head eating some turnips and praying to Jesus that the virgin Marilla would shut her thirsty mouth.
"Yo Marilla what the fuck you trickass bitch, Papi Gilberto's papi used to lick your kneecaps, so papi Gilberto isn't comfortable with that" Papi Gilberto replied.
"What kinda town is this, I'm going back to Trinidaddy" said Bash and he yeeted out faster than Blodi after taking one look at season two.
"Gilbert-" Anne started.
"Papi Gilberto", Papi Gilberto corrected.
"Gilbert, I'm not fucking calling you Papi Gilberto"
"I swear to fucking god Anne just because you have this crusty-ass wig doesn't mean your kneecaps will be safe"
"Fine, Papi Gilberto" said the ginger whose eyes were now twitching "I'm yeeting out, and going to Diana's house".
Well, Anne sure did yeet out, but she yeeted out to hard and ended up with only a wig with a few wispy hairs on it that made her look like fucking Benjamin Franklin.
"Anne what the fuck are you doing here" screamed Diana "I'm trying to get my parents to put Minnie May down".
"Sorry Diana, Gilbert's threatening to lock me in his basement and lick my kneecaps which are already super moist so I don't need his tongue all up in there" Anne explained running into the suspiciously dark room, proving she was the biggest n00b in all of existence.
She sprints in, and loses the remain wisps of her wig so she's just bald, shook, and moist. The door slams behind her. "Katie?" Anne calls out, pisses everyone off with her eMoTiOnAl TrAuMa.
"Shut the fuck up you bald ginger eagle, no one gives a shit about your imaginary friend" Minnie May said. "I've teamed up with Papi Gilberto because you're friends with Diana who's trying to get me put down".
"So pop a xan and grab a Bud Lite Lime because you're in for a wildride dipshit" said Minnie May who then proceeded to kick Anne in the shin and then ASMR whisper to her "I would usually grab you by your gross fucking ginger onion weave but that was snatched a long time ago".
Anne was so shook, but also happy because on the plus side she wasn't an ugly ginger anymore she was just an ugly baldy.
Papi Gilberto popped up from the corner of the room and lit a yankee candle.
"Gilbert ew this candle smells like ass what scent is it"
"Shut the fuck up Anne, this candle smells better than ur unwashed greasy weave that is over in Antarctica right now because of how sh00k you always are" Gilbert replied. "Also its mango w00d by yankee candle"
"Wow you cheapass hoe you can't splurge and buy me a Bath and Body works wh0re, go lick Josie's kneecaps"
"You know what Anne I changed my mind, I'm actually going to fucking murder you"
"Someone save me" said Anne smiling like she was constipated
"Well Anne with an Gc had the chance to save you Anne but they're a bunch of uglies so you ded"
YOU ARE READING
Papi Gilberto and Mushroom Ginger Weave
FanfictionAll Papi Gilberto wants is an onion wigged ginger's kneecaps, but will he get them?
