The Spirits of Route 66: Book of Delbert

Splat!

There came a rustling sound off in the distance. Some creature was stirring in the forest brush, and although Otto and Reginald were keenly aware of the new presence, they displayed little concern. Being dead has its benefits, namely, lack of fear from physical altercation. All the same, Delbert felt a pang of apprehension.

But it turned out to be only a man, and in the dark, although it was difficult to ascertain specifics, but he appeared to be of normal weight and height and moved swiftly with the urgency of purpose. He entered the bridge from the south side and then at midpoint leaned over the opposite rail.

"Don't do it," offered Otto, only mildly concerned, because by now he'd become accustomed to human folly and permanent mistakes made by the desperate when the very cause of their desperation was of such a temporary and fleeting nature. If they all only knew... really knew. It only took one moment of internal rage, of adrenaline released and muscles pushing away, and by the time you're free falling the whole thing seems so damn silly but alas, gravity won't be laughing along with you.

"Oh, leave him be, Man will do as he does, as he did, as he will no doubt do again in the future." You could always count on Reginald to deliver the laissez-faire invisible hand approach to the doling out of compassion. "Besides, the fall probably won't kill him, merely render him quadriplegic for the remainder of his earthly days."

True, around these parts, in the very heart of America (but more of a musty bellybutton than ample bosom, to be honest), the rivers ran not deep nor wide and were lucky to maintain more than a trickling tomato-y broth as brewed by the ubiquitous red burping mud. Right now, down below, there jutted more slimy rock than babbling brook, and if the intention was to immediately cease existence then one was really rolling the dice and more likely only extending their existence within the tangled confines of itchy casts and winding bandages and ceaseless pain that hurt like a motherfucker.

Talk about regret.

Delbert couldn't help but think it, and the message seeped on out. "Rather have death, myself, than any of that, if you know what I mean."

"Well, indeed, you got your death, big boy, so I suppose that's a fortunate thing and we can all now breathe a huge sigh of relief and move right along."

Delbert was starting to get annoyed with this Reginal fellow and he glanced over at Otto in an instinctual attempt at commiseration. But Otto was still looking over at the poor soul who was leaning over that rail, almost teasing gravity with the chance to go on ahead and do its thing.

"Don't do it," Otto uttered again, almost in a whisper, and the next thing you knew he was yelping like an agitated pup, yipping, as if almost in a scold.

With one leg straddling the rail the man stopped, frozen in place, looking back from where the three spirits presently hovered. One more heartfelt and extremely distinct yelp and that did it, the would-be leaper obviously spooked, and with a jerk he turned around and scattered off like a sheet tossed into the breezy night.

Delbert was relieved, but Reginald was incensed.

"There ye go again, saving all souls, interfering with the flesh and the blood, playing God to the wee little folks while manipulating those attached strings."

"Come on now, you know I aint savin' no souls, just givin' the guy a little food for thought, while saving his family from a huge hospital bill. So unneeded and uncalled for. And besides, they really do need to do somethin' about them rising healthcare costs. Twenty bucks for a dang tongue depressor?"

Now here Reginald had to agree. He might be heartless and incorrigible but nonetheless prided himself upon his frugal fiscal outlook.

"Indeed, the gouging by the medical profession is an affront to the conscience of civilized man," he admitted, recalling his visit to the hospital after a series of haphazard, late-night, decidedly out-of-the-closet-and-on-a-lark encounters. "Thank heaven for the generic remedy!"