My happiness is slowly leaving me because I feel like I don't deserve or need it. Over the years of being alive I've been lookin at things I do and people I hang out and talk to yet I don't deserve any of their friendship or affection like I'm such a little leech or beggar for items or attention. It hurts that feels like I'm forcing them to be my friend or that I'm making them uncomfortable in someway , I talk behind my friends back and its stupid of me and I don't act the similar way I act at home , I know that I will be alone platonically and relationship wise as well and it's crazy that my friends smile or laugh at my weird jokes I wonder do they really think it's fun or is it just a hoax to help me mentally? I'm trying so hard not to give all up and fall into the embrace of darkness letting me go away from it all but I might never know soon or I might life is a mystery and I don't want to discover it.
