Hey.
I was just reminding myself
To rewind back to the less stressful days
Of when I was eight
Maybe nine
And you walked through those gates
"This is your Brother" my Father said
I was shy
Nervous
Happy
"I remember holding you when you were just a baby!" You told me
I smiled
Not knowing what to say
But being that small mindless child
I believed everything you told me
Every word I memorised
Every nook
And every cranny
And look where you got me
Filled with emotions
And pain
From all those times I let you
Elbow me
And
Hurt me
And yet after all these years
I've kept these
Memories
And held on to them like
My prized possession
We played games
The best part of my childhood
We went to the woods
We travelled across the city
With our father
We "Role-played"
We sang
We acted
We cried
And we laughed
But most importantly
We made a promise
Never to leave each other
I guess you broke it
And so did I
Oh how all these
Memories are
Flooding back to me
Like a broken dam
A bleeding arm
A crying child
Her eyes filled with tears
That just fell down her cheek
Countless nights of weeping
Over your broken promise
And all of the lies came
Flooding back to my
Brain
Stabbing my heart
Stabbing my back
Stabbing my lungs
Using me as an advantage
And those
Countless lies
And those
Countless cries
Over someone who just doesn't
Care
You disrespected my mother
You disrespected my father
You disrespected my brothers
And you disrespected me.
My heart is just
Gushing out with pain
Like an open wound
You have depressed me
Beyond my limits
But I won't fall to your
Lies
I'm not wasting my tears over someone who
Won't waste them over me
Oh and how's life?
I heard you got a new job
Police Officer.
Well lying doesn't break the law
But breaking someone's heart is more of a crime to me.
Look.
I know you don't care
I know you don't even remember me
But I'm 14 years old now.
Just in case if you didn't know.
And I'm in year 10 now.
You probably still think I'm the
Small girl who has
Her pure white skin
With her hazel eyes
And her brunette curly hair
With no fringe
And no scars
And no bags
And no awareness
But no
I'm that
Big girl who has
Her dark dry skin
With her plain black eyes
And her brown thick hair
With a fringe
And a scarred up body
And baggy eyes from fatigue
And anxiety from that agony and sorrow of leaving the house.
I had to fight myself just to
Meet up with my friends and to
Socialise with people I didn't wanna socialise with.
It beats me down.
The worry of thinking
I won't have any friends if I keep
Declining these invitations
And these
Special occasions
Just to have "fun"
My mother says
Go have "fun".
I'd love to have fun.
But I'm not the same little girl I was
And I really wish I could just go back to those times
Where I could just remember every single
Person I met and
Every single
Laugh that I had
It aches
It hurts.
I just wanna go back
Back to when I didn't need friends
Where there wasn't any rules
When I could be as free as a bird
I miss those memories
So so much
Just like Hansel and Gretel
Gretel followed Hansel
And she stuck with him through
Thick
And
Thin
Until he left.
So hey.
I try to only think of
Happy memories
Of you
And not cry over
You
And not hurt myself over
You
And not feel worthless over
You.
I miss you but I have one request that I must ask of you
Don't come back
Until you have learned
That I'm not a robot
With a steel heart
I haven't toughened up yet
And I'm aware of that
But
I know now.
You were just playing
And that you were only 12
And you didn't mean any harm by it
It was just your adventurous personality.
These memories.
They hurt my heart.
And I would give the world
To see the joy I was having
As a young child once again
As my Grandma used to say
"Time flies by when you're having fun"
