My head
Is more corrupt than a website full of illegal documents
It's evil
Like the government
It takes control
And tells me
how to act
How to look
How to feel
I'm fat it says
I'm ugly.
Yeah
Every person goes through this
And it's not a cry for help
I don't want attention
I don't want advice
Leave me alone
I'm not your
Game that you play
Whenever you snap
Or feel like you're loosing control
Stop calling me these names
These insults
Yeah
I went through a faze of hurting myself
But that WAS for attention.
Today
I sit here and think
People are staring at me because
I'm ugly
I'm fat
I'm not what society depicts me to be.
I wanna loose weight
I wanna look like those models in magazines
I really do.
But that's not me.
Just because I'm different
Does not mean you can
Wreck my head
And tell me otherwise.
But guess what
They're not staring at me
They don't care
So please
Stop.
You hurt me.
So badly.
You make me bite myself
Until I bleed.
You fill my body with emotions
But mainly
Rage
And
I don't need this rage
Every single time
You make me
Bite myself
I am blinded with hate and
Anger from the way my
Body looks that I cannot feel the
Pain as the
Violence takes over
And I bite too deep.
When I see that
Flash of blood
It reminds me
I am human
I don't deserve to be
Treated the way I am
But
That was in the past
All of the bullies that hurt me mentally
And physically.
It's almost as if
They made such a huge
Impact on my brain that
It repeats those words I've been
Called.
Now until I do loose weight
All I can do is look in the
Mirror everyday
And let me tell you
That mirror
Is like looking straight into the
Depths of Hell.
Satan staring back at me as I
Check my body and I
Pinch my rolls
And I
Breathe in until I can't move.
"Loose weight" my head tells me
"You're too fat" it says.
And I know
Everyone goes through this.
I know
Please
My only plead is to appreciate yourself
Because
The day my Mother found out I bite myself
Felt like the world was about to end and I was the reason for it.
The guilt
The shame
And all she did was
Hug me.
"Stop" she said
"You only get one body. Don't waste it"
Trust me.
If I could wipe all of my bad memories from this brain and only keep the good ones
I wouldn't.
Bad things make you learn
And yes
It's tough
But there are people who can
Support you and
Help you so
Please.
Please please please.
I beg of you.
As I've said before.
Don't hurt yourself because of what others
Or what you've told
Yourself.
You are beautiful
You are fantastic
And you
Can make an impact on your life if you make the
Right decisions.
HELPLINES:
http://www.samaritans.org/
For people with suicidal thoughts.
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/
For people with eating disorders.
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
For people who have been sexually abused/raped.
https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/
For people who have been affected with traumatic events.
http://www.alcoholics-
anonymous.org.uk/
For people with an addiction towards alcohol.
http://www.refuge.org.uk/
For people who have been through domestic violence.
Of course there are many more helplines, but those listed above will help you.
