After Augustus died I thought I'd never love anyone again the way I loved him. And I was right, I won't. But that doesn't mean I won't love again at all. It'll be different I know. And I won't be able to help it but I know my mind will drift off to Gus every now and then. Although sometimes I think about how it would have been if I had never met him and suffered through the pain of his death, I think it would have been worse not knowing him and not having the pleasure of having my heart broken by the one and only Augustus Waters.
But now I'm getting ready for my "date" or whatever you wanna call it, with Issac. I know he won't be able to see me, so it doesn't really matter what the heck I wear but for some reason I want to wear that same blue dress I wore the night Gus and I ate in Amsterdam. But I won't. It's not about him tonight, it's about me and Issac, despite my wondering thoughts.
I walk in Isaac's living room and take a seat on the couch as his mom prompts me to. I'm wearing a light pink, thick strapped, knee length dress and some comfy black flats. My black cardigan is draped over my shoulders somehow baring back whatever fight I have in me not to go through with this. But I want to, no matter how weird it feels. That's just for now, right? It'll get better. I know it will, because I've decided that's how things are going to happen from now on. I shouldn't dwell on the things of the past, I know. And from now on this night is ours. No more thoughts of back out plans for me because I want to do this, if I didn't I wouldn't be here right now.
"Hazel?" I hear Isaac say, coming down the hallway. I politely get up and step over to him.
"Right here," I say, letting him hear the sound of my voice. He makes his way to me and when he gets to me he wraps his arms around me, so tightly.
"Gosh, Hazel. I'm so glad you didn't back out. I was scared you would, but you're here and I couldn't be happier."
And it makes me happy to see him happy.
"The world needs happy people, Issac."
"Where are we going?" I ask, the one who's driving ought to know. "Oh, and it can't be a surprise, otherwise we'll never get there."
Isaac laughs. "I was thinking Jake's Grill. Tonight's poem reading night, and although I'm not a big fan of poems, you are right? And I want to make sure you are happy too," he says, and I can tell he's a bit nervous.
I take his hand in mine, in attempt to secure the reassuring. "Yes, Issac. And no matter where we go, we'll have a good time, okay?"
"Okay, Hazel. Thanks."
We approach the grill and step inside as the aroma of burnt food fills the air.
I have a feeling I'll be focusing more on Isaac and I tonight.
I direct him to a booth close to the door so it won't be hard to find our way out.
"What are you ordering, Hazel?" he asks.
I glance at the menu.
"A salad. That's probably the only thing here that isn't burnt to a crisp."
I say it and suddenly feel bad. He wanted to make me feel special and I sound as if I don't even appreciate it.
"Oh, Isaac, they are about to read poems now," I say, averting the conversation away from my negativity.
A blond bearded man steps up to the mic.
He looks like he should be in a pub, rather than reading poems.
"My name is Henry. I like to write poems sometimes and I thought I'd share them with you guys."
He holds up a crumpled piece of paper and begins reading.
"The train whistles in the cold winter air as he steps on to the tracks.
Stop, move, stay, go.
The lights blaze into his eyes as the train nears.
Die, live, no one knows.
Over him the train goes, sending him into the air as it blows."
Whoa, a suicide poem, nice. Although it seemed more like a story to me because I understood it. Poems are harder to understand than that.
You might get something totally different out of it than what the writer intended.
I think about this for a moment.
People are like poems.
You take a look at them and see someone completely different than who they really are.
Just like I did with Henry.
"Isaac thanks, but it's so cold. Can we go home now?" I ask and gather my things into my purse.
We arrive in Isaac's driveway after a long drive of complete silence.
"You didn't like it, did you?" he asks.
I don't answer.
"Hazel. Answer me."
I run my hand along his arm.
"Isaac, I didn't enjoy the grill and poem that much, but we were togther. That's what matters."
He shakes his head.
"Hazel, we barely talked the whole time. Once I even wondered if you had left me," he says.
I realize now that maybe, for now, Isaac and I are better off as friends.
"Isaac you know I would never leave you. But for now can we just continue as friends?" I ask.
"Yeah, whatever," he replies and gets out of the car.
I lead him to the door.
"Goodnight, Hazel," he says in a blank tone.
He slams the door behind him.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, so what did you think?
Should Hazel and Isaac stay friends or should they work towards an even greater relationship?? Please let me know what you think!! Comment and vote!! Thanks for reading!! :)
