Suffocating

The Man

The man towered over me. I wasn't even sure it was a man. Through the darkness, I could at least tell it wasn't human. But, how could it be? How could anyone hurt somebody so much, and not feel any remorse whatsoever?

"Worthless. You'll never be good enough. You're just an ugly slut who, frankly, isn't worth a damn." The voice echoed.

I began to run away with what little energy I still had from this everlasting fight. Faster, and faster but no matter how hard I tried, the sound of its voice seemed to follow me everywhere, taunting me with every breath. The words beat my mind to a pulp, and I couldn't think correctly.

"Are you running away to make yourself throw up, again? Pathetic, that's what you are." It whispered down my neck. It was my conscience. I ran in circles without realizing it, and every time I told myself he was wrong, there he was again, to fill what was left of my mind with the coldness of his voice.

"Stop! Stop, please!" I pleaded over and over again, my voice getting remarkably smaller each time.

It didn't help one bit, and he kept harassing me until his words became so real they seemed to take form and beat my own physical body, too. They commented on every little imperfection I had.

"Isn't it about time you shaved?"

"Your eye bags are so big, I almost thought you were a raccoon!"

"Eyebrow plucking time, is it?"

They laughed and laughed at every remark they said.

Tears were rushing down my face, and I fell on the ground, my mind and body weak from all the words.

Wow, I really am ugly. Should I shave everyday? I can't believe I went out of the house with my eyebrows like that! Does my mouth really look like that? My stomach is so fat, maybe I should throw up?

The thoughts penetrated my brain and infected every part of me that was still holding out. My body was shaking, my arms and legs battered and bruised.

"Why do I still hold on? Does anyone even care?" I thought.

Why try?

Stop. Don't do this to yourself. You can overcome this, come on just a little longer.

The noises got only a little softer, and I knew what I had to do.

You aren't ugly. You don't have to shave if you don't want to. So what, if my eyebrows look like that? I think they look good. My mouth is just where food goes in. Does it really have expectations? You are not fat. You can eat all you want, as long as it makes you happy. If you want to loose weight, it's your choice, and if you choose to, do it the healthy way!

I already felt so much better. the voices seemed to be getting quieter and my body began to heal. The words slut, ugly, whore, bitch, and so many others began to fall away from my shoulders as the burden was lifted off of me. I felt powerful, like I had just won a great battle. Maybe I had.

Maybe this was the start of something new.

—-

"Anna? Annabelle? Annabelle Grayson, are you sleeping in my class?"

I woke up instantly. It was that stupid dream again. At least this time, I was the one who came out on top. That was a first.

I looked around to see that I had fallen asleep in Mr. Pike's English class. Everyone was staring at me, some even snickering in the corner.

Mr.Pike's brown eyes looked at me in way that made me want to crawl under my bed and hide "Sleeping again? Do try to get a good night's sleep before you have to attend school. See me after class."

Well, at least I know I'm going to be getting another detention for tomorrow. I sunk down in my chair and waited for everyone's focus to be back on the teacher.

In my dreams, I may be a hero, but in real life?

I am nothing.