*a few weeks after Luke has moved*
"Oh my god I'm actually okay." I say to myself. I look at the blade on the counter and start crying.
"Just kidding." I say to myself and grab it and cut another perfect line on my wrist.
I have not been dealing with Luke leaving very well at all.
I've been horrible.
I've turned to cutting and I hate it but I have nothing else now.
I cry some more as I put the bald under the counter and watch the blood from my wrist drip onto my shin. I sniffle and my phone goes off on the counter. Without look at who's calling, I answer it.
"Hello?" I say, my voice cracking.
"Oh my god Clary! You actually answered! Wait, are you okay? Are you crying?" I hear Luke's voice and start to cry more.
"No I'm not okay Luke! I'm fucking terrible!" I say into the phone.
"Baby what's wrong?" he asks.
"Don't fucking call me that I'm not your girlfriend." I say and sniffle again and decide to wash off my wrist before Ashton comes over.
"What's wrong Clary?" Luke asks and I sob.
"It's none of your business Luke." I say and look in the mirror, my puffy cheeks and red eyes. I look horrible.
"It is. Clary I love you what's wrong?" he asks and I flinch at his words.
"I'm just bleeding a bit, Ashton is coming over later so I have to go." I say and sniffle as I pull my bracelets back into my wrist, making the open cut sting like hell.
"Why are you bleeding?" he asks and I sigh in annoyance.
"I just got a cut I'm fine. Bye Luke." I say and hang up the phone. Well I wasn't lying.
I haven't talked to Luke in at least 3 weeks, meaning since I was I'm Australia.
He just makes it worse, hearing his voice. I don't know why I'm so hurt by him moving. I guess it just makes me feel like I wasn't enough for him to be happy. I was happy though.
"Okay Clary, you're alright." I say to myself and try to smile, but fail. I cry silently again and then clean myself up, Ashton should be arriving any minute and he has a key so he will just walk in.
"Clary!" I hear my name and the front door close. I quickly clean myself up and ignore the stinging on my wrist.
"I'm coming Ash." I yell and walk out of the bathroom, stuffing y hands in the pockets of my sweater.
"Hey how you doing?" Ashton asks as I walk into the kitchen.t
"How does it look Ashton?" I ask and he stares at me.
"You need to get out." Ashton says and places an arm on my arm comfortingly.
"No I don't. I just need to be alone in my room and cry because Luke doest give a shit about me." I say and grab the Nutella out of the cabinet.
"Clary, Luke does care about you." Ashton says and hands me a spoon.
"Then why did he leave me for his dickhead friends hm?" I ask and vigorously shove my spoon into the Nutella and eat it.
"I don't know Clary, but I know he loves you." he says and I roll my eyes.
"He called me today, I answered it." I say vaguely.
"What did you say?" Ashton asks and leans against the counter.
"I told him I was terrible and that I'm not his girlfriend and he said he loved me." I say quietly and sigh as I poke the Nutella with my spoon.
"Oh Clary. You do realize you broke up with him right?" Ashton asks and I stop what I'm doing and stare at him.
"Yes Ashton. I do realize I broke up with the dickhead who used to be my fucking boyfriend." I say blankly and he nods.
"Alright." he says. "I still talk to him you know. He always tells me how much he fucked and how much he misses you." Ashton says and I roll my eyes and walk down the hall to my room, Ashton following me.
"I'm serious Clary." he says and I fall down too my bed.
"I believe you Ashton. I just don't care anymore." I say and Ashton shakes his head.
"Whatever Clary." Ashton says and walks out of my room. I hear the front door open and close an I sigh.
"Oh god." I say to myself.
Luke's POV
"Mom I don't know what to do!" I say as I cry.
I fucking miss Clary so much. She's ignoring me and I don't know what I am doing. I should be in New York with her.
"I think you should apologize." my mom says.
"I have mom! I have so many times! She just tells me that she's not good and tells me to go away! I miss her so much!" I say and my mom pulls me into a hug. I cry into her shoulder, me having to bend down to hug her.
"Give her time. Stop bothering her. I really hope she's doing alright." se says and is hake my head.
"She said she was terrible. You know what? I'm gonna go to New York. Mom can you drive me to the airport please? I still have clothes at Clary's apartment. Please?" I ask and pull on my vans.
"Yeah." my mom says and we walk outside. The drive was silent, an uncomfortable silence.
"Thank you mom." I say an hop out of the car.
~
Clary's POV
I stare at myself in the mirror of the bathroom, them down at my bloody wrist. I really need to stop. But I can't. Everything about this apartment reminds me of what I've lost. His room still has his clothes scattered around his floor, his posters on the walls, his scent lingers still. Some f his old band shirts in my drawers and u can't take it. I can't take it knowing I wasn't enough for the person I loved. I wasn't enough to keep him happy. I cut another perfectly straight line across my wrist and hear someone knock on the door. I quickly wipe the blood away and hop up. I walk to the door and open it, thinking it's most likely Ashton.
"Luke?"
___________________________________
Aye guys I'm crying rn
THIS FUCKING ALBUM OMFG IT CAME OUT IN THE US TODAY AND GAWD IM NOT OKAY
Clary's a bad girl oh no
~Mads :3
